sometimes i think about you too much. is this a sign? to think of you wherever i go? to see you on the street? running? to see you in the lecture room? listening? to see you with a friend talking?

is it too much? to wish i can get closer to you? am i so scheming? to think of ways to get closer to you? am i to presumptious to imagine us close together?

is it too self assuming that i should even wish to get together with you? i wish i could get better. i want to get better. just for you. i want to change my ways. just for you. will you care to see? will you hope to know? will you want to understand?

i have your song in my head. i have your image in my mind. i have your name on my tongue.

can i even? should i even?

i have fallen. and wont get up. cos i only want you to help me.

spent three days at the university scholars programme camp at costa sands pasir ris. i really enjoyed myself there.
no two camps are the same, for they attract different people. so the usp camp cannot be compared to the csc one. they were both great and fun camps. for me its always the people who make it fun.

i was assigned to delphi (sounds so much like psychi) and the people inside were great. the letter writing zhuobin, the officer darryl, the dolphin boy wei jie, the cool zi gui, concientious cheryl, the animal game master shi yan, the sleepy si ting and the humorous vai. the seniors included michelle, lihan, sharad, huiying and huimin.

we played tele matches, beach games, round island amazing race but most importantly, we played the animal game. we were pretty much obsessed with it. cheryl was shark and jelly fish, vai was the mahjong turtle and pig, shi yan was rabbit and tiger, siting was eagle and cat, darryl was hamster and ?, weiji was elephant and snake, zi gui was snake and duck and who can every forget zhuobin as the panic butterfly and the easy star fish?

i hope we will meet up again soon.

i took my first driving practical today. i was not expecting to drive so soon, but so soon did i drive. i mean a guy with no experience whatsoever, crashes all the time in daytona and knows not the difference between a steering wheel and a wheel of fortune wheel, the first time i drove this killing monstrosity was actually quite exhilarating and empowering. of course i had my own fair share of mistakes and the instructor kept scolding me. but nothing beats the sensation of completing a sharp right bend and ending in the same lane. i mean.. it kept running across my mind that i made it alive and i did not scratch the car.

after that i met valerie and jingwen at the takshimaya food fair. it was my second time there, but the stores with their plethora of sights and multitude of smells and heavenly wafts of deliciousity was overwhelming and they never ceased to seduce my gastric juices. the fried durian was and probably for a long time be a favorite food.

then i met up with dingyuan, benny, alvin and yao to watch brotherhood. two brothers with such a deep love and the war that changes both of them. both split up in their separate ways, but its a love so strong and a blood bond so thick, that jin seok braved all the odds against him to bring jin tae back to sanity. i am such a softie to all these genre. but i never cried so much in a movie before. all the separation, reunion and death scenes are saturated with tear and heart jerking emotions backed up by a very sorrowful string ensemble playing those long tragic notes really did the trick of extracting those tears in my eyes. however its not those sad-so-i-cry sort of scenes. they really reached into the bottom of my stomach and the emotions fountained, not welled, in me.

for me its a scene i guess i would never experience in my life, so that's why it affected me so much. i could imagine and put myself in the characters' shoes and felt so much tragedy. ah well, the war was like, ok only. some parts unrealistic but they serve as the exteny jin tae was willing to go and the sacrifices he was willing to make to send his brother home. what i like most about the show is the fact that war, as a form of tragedy, do change people, for better or for worse, and the extent it affects each individual. in the end, the message is war is terrible. world peace everybody.

i really enjoyed the day. full of ups and downs. trials and tribulations. but i overcome it day by day. (sugarbabes) and yao, the next time you drink, i am so going to beat the crap out of you before you will find yourself flattened under the tire of a car. either that or i will flatten you myself once i get my licence. cheers!

amidst the sound of the remaining rain
falling aimlessly from the top of my HDB building
and the warmth of bare naked skin against the cool woolly blankets

staring into the ceiling above
as if able to see the one thing i wish to see
beyond white wash

i close my eyes and huddle closer, cuddle tighter
a baby in need of protection
i think of them

i turned troubled and confused to the side
my spectacles pressed uncomfortable against my temple
i prayed

if only, only if

i am the tin man, devoid of a heart
i am the lion, lacking in courage
i am the scarecrow, in need of a brain
i am dorothy, desperate for home
what a marvellous journey to Oz it will be

but there is no yellow brick road
for me to dance and skip to
only the distant winding valley, echoing my lonely trudge

still the sun has come up and to dry my silent tears
beckoning and encouraging
that i brave it all to find it.

Its quite a relief to have finally started! all the time i keep telling myself i would start blog after being inspired by some really great blogs but never actually gotten down. so here's to the dive into the deep and uncertain chasm of web publishing! cheers!