the more i think, the more i think, the more i think i need to stop thinking.

the more i feel, the more i feel, the more i wished i had a heart of stone.

the more i see, the more i see, the more i just i hope i can be blind to it all.

the more i live, the more skeptical i become, the less hope i have. oh whats to become of me in god's plans?

and i whine and i whine and i whine.

1 more paper.

*roar*

semi-excited about everything going to end.

hey peepz! just a sudden urge to say something.

i blog because i want my friends to know me, understand what is happening in my life. they are essentially meant for people who CARE about me. sure, its the internet and all, freedom of speech whatever (prob the main cause for conflict and hurt in the world), but i never meant my blog to be a forum where people of anonymous identities debate about my every word.

so, seriously, for all you mysterious people out there who have really no idea what is going on in my life and who have nothing good, or comforting or encouraging or sympathetic to say, please, read and leave. dun need to contribute any nasty comments which do not leave any semblance of decent impressions about yourselves on personal blogs like mine or any of my friends.

lets make this world a more peaceful and liveable place.

thank you.

hey peepz!

the last day of regatta: both nus boats got into the finals!!! i was so so so so so so happy!!! a 1-2 finish has always been the best dream to be attained. so anyway, 5 boats in the finals. and the result: all 5 boats came in within 0.7 seconds between the first and the last!!! probably the closest photo finish in my history of db at least.

was super exciting. was super drama. was super.

was very sad for the girls team. my heart broke when i saw ms wen thethering in tears. ms wen! dun be sad liao. i rowed my heart out for you and the ladies. really really. i am sorry we din do justice to our namesake.

ms chua. its all natural. trust me. its okay for feel the way you felt. its about hopes, expectations and dreams. when they get dashed for that moment, find bigger dreams. recover, train and go back and row as a rower. that's where your strength lies.

there are so many things to learn, so many things to remember. good or bad, plearsurable or tormenting. i always remember this quote that is permanently pasted on my desktop now: "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

i am sad.

cos like my friends, i have found myself a reason to be sad.

now, i need to find myself a reason to be happy.

hey peepz!

stupid alex has infected my withi his stupid blogging spirit. and so now, i shall have a quick bite at it too.

only halfway through exams. next on on monday. only studying now. haven't gone through "second round" or "third round" yet. damnz. die. sure fail.

today first day of regatta. my first race was regatta, this time last year. quite an experience. this year. no short of drama. drama that goes a long long way back since the first day i stepped in until today. and yes, like zhen qing, it never seems to end... argh!!!

anyway, so we through to the next round of opens. yay. for the ivp, we got knocked twice from the boat next to us. pq got baluku cos their boat dragon heat decided to "kiss" pq's forehead. now got extra "brain matter." haha! now sure get A for his next paper. got blessed. and so we got 4th despite an impressive catch up. but guess that was not enough to get us to the next round. sigh.

was looking for another opportunity to race with worthy opponents. but to get knocked aside by another team's virgin race, was in my opinion, really, the worst luck, the worst fate, the worst disaster that could ever happen. i can only think of one word: sayang. prob even worse than a certain capsize incident last year.

ah well. nice things happened though. like alex got his pictures taken. i am sure he would have posted them all up on his blog by now. and prob pestering me to ask me if he looks photogenic in this picture, and that picture...

oh, and i must say, it was a pretty good set that last one. somethings to learn about. guess, sometimes, we need a little knocking at our sides, to remind us what we had to lose, and what we were there in the first place for. i just hope we are not too late to accomplish that tomorrow.

okay. back to studying. alex asking me about himself liao...

sigh. by more popular demands, i am obliged to write out more jia yous for specific people.

and thus being said, i actually have to the precious time off my valuable time to switch on the lap top, wait for it to start up, type in the pass words, then log on the net, type in more pass words and wait for this page to load up. and all these for what? to write more jia yous. no, they cant be private jia yous on smses, but they have to be public one! public i say!

for goodness sakes people! i have a deadline to meet, of which if i dun meet, i would be really dead!!! i could go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on...

and you get the picture. and i would still be here complaining about why i should be doing this, when i should have just done it already! haha!!!


so here goes,

JIA YOU LIEW GUO MIN THE SMARTEST (cap 3. something), MOST HANDSOME (i like his hair ONLY), MOST CARING (demands i go back to my room to look for cough syrup), MOST CONCERNED (he makes the best herbal tea), MOST HUMOUROUS (look at blog entry on washing machine), MOST INSTRUCTIVE (look at blog entry on washing machine), MOST INCREDIBLE PERSON ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH (after my imaginary friend that is) AND WHO IS GOING TO ACE ALL HIS EXAMS THIS SEMESTER SO THAT HE WILL WIN THAT BET AND MAKE ALEX, THE WONDERFUL PSYCHOLOGIST TREAT ALL OF US! (he's practically gone, and i think alex will do better than him) YES! OF COURSE! IN FACT WHY ON EARTH WOULD LIEW GUO MIN NEED A JIA YOU ANYWAY? well, cos he asked for it, literally.

oh, and not to forget...

JIA YOU MISS CHUA! despite your being sick and all, you still study really really hard, so i hope that you will get the grades you truly deserve. glad to see you better liao!

and if i do ever miss anyone out, please do request a private jia you via sms. thanks!

so here are some more generic good lucks:

good luck to the guys teams. and i mean ALL the guys. that includes you yokes, and keegz, and xiangyi and johnny and dr mel and whoever reads my blog. yes, marcus too, but by this time he would already finished his exams. and to riz and doug, and ted, and ah fu, and winston, and EVERYONE LAH! dun want to think of names anymore.

and also good luck to the girls team! will try to rattle out the names. if i miss any of you out, that means we haven't really talked to each other yet! so find me! muahaha!!! grace, geoks, angeline, bc, joanna, qian yi, theresa, cindy, yirang and all the rest! herm. dun want to think anymore also.

and also good luck to my other less met-up friends, like alvin chow kiat, steven/stephen, meiling, christina, huiqin, atiq, shiqin, hidayah (my wonderful ts ladies) and whoever whoever else!!!

okay okay??? i really need to go and study now! remember! sms me for your personalized "jia you"! but can do it after my exams? 30th nov. thanks!

hey peepz!

this is by popular demand:

PO QIN JIA YOU!!!! YEAH PO QIN!!! WOO HOO!!! YOU DA MAN!!!! SURE SCORE A!!! BEAT ALL OF THEM ARROGANT LAWYERS WHO THINK THEY ARE BIG SHOTS!!! JIA YOU!!! YOU SURE TO BE THE NICEST LAWYER IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!

yup yup!

and jia you to my sister too! think she's going to get higher cap than me this sem...

>_< hehe

hey peepz!

i know everyone is like studying their asses off. and so have i. not now. just now. its one am at yih. and i am all alone here, cognitively saturated, listening to my favourite naruto intros and endings. feeling pretty happy actually. haha!

anyway. i know i havent been blogging so here's one intermission entry!

thanks meiling for your conern for the entry soooo long ago. but still, thanks for dropping by and dropping that note. hehe. good luck for your exams! dun flunk any mod this time! hehe.

anyway, so i finished one paper. making of a nation. came out all right. but then the whole day today, the questions kept popping up in my head, and suddenly i would go "DAMN! I ANSWERED WRONGLY!" and that horrible thought would keep appearing in my head, despite valiant attempts to counter them with insistences that i need to study for biodiversity at 5 later. argh!

anyway, the theatre studies practical is finally over! on thurs. had 3 hours of sleep trying to complete the director's portfolio. i was lamenting to my friends that i was spending 3 whole weeks, endless days working with the ladies and sleepless nights thinking about how to make the production better. all this for a 25 percent assessment. and i was going to spend 1 day on a 30 percent making of a nation exam. great. so in the end, the production went well (in my opinion at least). the judges kept picking on the details. i assured that girls that it was simply because they could not find any major flaw. :) denial? haha. well, it works at this point of time.

and so the ladies were pretty pleased too. dr loon came donw to praise them for their acting skills. then when he left, they kept asking me if he tells this to all the groups. he wants a copy of our videotaped performance in dvd! i wonder if i should read this as a sign to anything. hm. and also, the ladies kept gushing over edward choy, this teaching assistant guy. young, small eyed, sharp features, soft spoken, and who kept smiling. the girls, i repeat, were simply drooling in the wings after it all. also wanted to take off my shirt and wipe the drool, and yes, was a wee bit jealous. none of them gushed about me. argh. *crushed*. oh did i mention that they are ALL attached? hm.

anyway, thanks for the memories ladies! i hope to NEVER do it again. being the only guy in a group of estrogen battering environment was driving me to declare myself a misogyst! hehe. but i will always love my mother and sister. i love you two!

and so the exams have started. benny just alerted me to the fact that it would all be over in 9 days. stunned. i thought it would be over in 19 days. sigh. overestimated the time. feeling a little claustrophobic now.

anyway, jia you alex and wenya for abnormal psych! jia you benny for biostats! jia you mel, jialing and thanda for biodiversity! jia you! jia you to everyone else too!

oh. i cant download anything from bittorrent now. my naruto has stopped. and so has my heartbeat. was crying to bitterly. WHY? WHY? WHY? I WANT MY NARUTO! going to read all 360 over volumes of manga when exams are over. *roar*

okay. got to go back. one more round of biodiversity. before i scot back to my soon-to-be-missed room. jia you! *roar*!

you know you are stressed, when you wake up half an hour before the alarm rings, with thoughts about the disaterous grade you will get because you will produce mediocre work.

you know you are stressed, when two girls from your theatre studies group start vying for the same role one and a half weeks before the examination, and you are the director.

you know you are stressed, you started working on a 15 percent presentation less than 24 hours before the presentation itself.

you know you are stressd, when you are having a pimple outbreak, one on the right cheeck and one right under the right eye.

you know you are stressed, when you know you should go and have a run, but decide that you should sit at the table all exhausted and hungry.

you know you are stressed, when you see a large pile of notes you have not covered sitting on the side of the table.

you know you are stressed, when you feel that you want to give everything up.

you know you are stressed, when you know there are friends you need to show concern to but don't know how.

you know you are stressed, when all you can think about it stress, rather than the work.

you know you are stressed, when you are here blogging about stress when you should be working on that presentation.

you know stress, when you feel it, see it, hear it, taste it, touch it.

stress.

now where's that serenity prayer?

hey peepz!

its me again. will try to make this really short, because i am at yih at 1030 trying to do my individual presentation due this tues, then my project due this friday, my theatre studies exam next monday and thursday and the project presentation sometime then too.

i have a reason to be stressed. trust me.

thank god for my dad who has been sending me (at quite appropriate times) smses to comfort me. i wonder if he reads my blog... hmm...

anyway, back to me. (yes, its all about me). where was i? oh yes stress. realise that i have doing alot of "extra" work. i.e. tonnes and tonnes of research in preparation for my presentations and all. and i was just sitting down here, staring into blank space for a while, wondering, why the heck am i putting in so much effort? sometimes, i find myself getting that A- with another guy who gets the same grade but only started work the night before it due. and sometimes, it really makes no sense.

then again, i have already accepted that as a fact in life. examiners do not mark you for your efforts, they mark you for what they see. so then why again do i persist in doing so much "extra" work? cos i know that i am not smart. the only thing i have is dilligence. a sort of blind zeal for hard work.

i know, sometimes, i really am stupid, doing all this work. like my TS production. i am just being assessed as director, so why am i doing the script by myself? why am i spending time with individual actors, trying to sharpen their acting skills? why am i reading material out of the prerequisites? cos i know that they will help, one way or another. maybe not directly to my grades, but they will help. every step, every attempt, every effort.

sure, the judges may not see it. but sometimes, it really does not matter to me. cos for me, as long as i know that i have done all my best,done all i can do, i will have no regrets (NB: there are no such things as absolutes in the world. some margin of error is needed). so what if they dun see it, as long i feel i have helped my friends, or made a difference, then my efforts are justified.

i wont have too high expectations on the results. cos the process is just as important. a simple A will do. thanks.

haha

am tyring to balance all these things right now. find it pretty tough, especially with db. so many aspirations, so many expectations, and just as many disappointments. i do not know what to say, simply because i do not know, let alone how to say it. sometimes alittle bit more consideration is needed, sometimes alittle bit more appreciation. and of course, a little bit more sensitivity and a little bit more resolution.

for me, i need a little bit more time. no. make that "a lot."