hey peepz!

its me again. will try to make this really short, because i am at yih at 1030 trying to do my individual presentation due this tues, then my project due this friday, my theatre studies exam next monday and thursday and the project presentation sometime then too.

i have a reason to be stressed. trust me.

thank god for my dad who has been sending me (at quite appropriate times) smses to comfort me. i wonder if he reads my blog... hmm...

anyway, back to me. (yes, its all about me). where was i? oh yes stress. realise that i have doing alot of "extra" work. i.e. tonnes and tonnes of research in preparation for my presentations and all. and i was just sitting down here, staring into blank space for a while, wondering, why the heck am i putting in so much effort? sometimes, i find myself getting that A- with another guy who gets the same grade but only started work the night before it due. and sometimes, it really makes no sense.

then again, i have already accepted that as a fact in life. examiners do not mark you for your efforts, they mark you for what they see. so then why again do i persist in doing so much "extra" work? cos i know that i am not smart. the only thing i have is dilligence. a sort of blind zeal for hard work.

i know, sometimes, i really am stupid, doing all this work. like my TS production. i am just being assessed as director, so why am i doing the script by myself? why am i spending time with individual actors, trying to sharpen their acting skills? why am i reading material out of the prerequisites? cos i know that they will help, one way or another. maybe not directly to my grades, but they will help. every step, every attempt, every effort.

sure, the judges may not see it. but sometimes, it really does not matter to me. cos for me, as long as i know that i have done all my best,done all i can do, i will have no regrets (NB: there are no such things as absolutes in the world. some margin of error is needed). so what if they dun see it, as long i feel i have helped my friends, or made a difference, then my efforts are justified.

i wont have too high expectations on the results. cos the process is just as important. a simple A will do. thanks.

haha

am tyring to balance all these things right now. find it pretty tough, especially with db. so many aspirations, so many expectations, and just as many disappointments. i do not know what to say, simply because i do not know, let alone how to say it. sometimes alittle bit more consideration is needed, sometimes alittle bit more appreciation. and of course, a little bit more sensitivity and a little bit more resolution.

for me, i need a little bit more time. no. make that "a lot."