hey peepz!

must make this short.

had nice birthday celebrations this year! woo hoo!!!

first with parents and sister, coffee cream cake. period.

second with the team, or whoever was free to turn up, cafe cartel, swensons ice cream cake. nice. special mention goes to johnny who came down specially to celebrate it with me yesterday. also to gm who called people to come down.

third with eileen, stephen and alvin. been a long time since we met up. had lunch. treated them drinks. got a card from e. alvin kept talking about phones and stephen played along. hope to meet up with them again soon. probably next sem! haha. eileen the social worker. haha!


fourth at holland village. nicest surprises. special mention goes to michelle!!! who came down to surprise me. also to the carnations. and the shirt, and the slippers and the underwear!

call me materialistic, but i love the presents. was wondering when they were going to come. was hoping for one nice present, like a cd or a shirt i can keep. but the avalanche (receiving 3 presents is considered alot for lil o me) was overwhelming.

thanks guys! for all involved. there were disappointments, and there were surprises and there was happiness. and i guess, really. i am just glad i did not need to spend my birthday in the guard room singing happy birthday to myself.

keke.

still, i hate being 23.

better grab my chances before they pass me by.

hey peepz!

this is an announcement to all my avid (albeit all the few and far between) fans, readers and haters. that i have recently created a livejournal account.

this has been in response to certain friends who they themselves have converted and privatised their blogs. and hence, i have to follow suit in order to access their entries.

hence, i shall be maintaining two accounts. troublesome as it is, but necessary. the livejournal account shall essentially be about dragaonboat, because the circle comprise of dboaters. and it shall be my internal arena of merciless bitching about dragonboat. muahahahaha!!! and it shall contain vital and pretty much confidential information about db, so it shall remain in that sphere.

other than that, i will continue boring all of you with my lifeless life in general here on blogspot. unfortunately, i am not THAT avid an enthusiast about blogging as like alex, ah alex, who consistently posts the truely mundane and the unexpectedly funny with the extremely poserish posts and pictures. i am just plain words. but i will, i will try to promise, to learn how to put up pictures, so everyone can see my physical presence.

and anyway, i dyed my hair. gosh, gasp, horror. its like dull gold. did it at mel's mom's place. very please after the job. wow. i looked different. and the response was initally well received. i told everyone to take a good look, cos at that point, it would have been the best look. beyond that day, i would be too lazy to open the cover of my mud.

and every since that day, i got increased responses from the curious wide-eyes to the jaw dropping screams. GM has been consistently calling me gay looking, cos my hair looks, erm, "gay"? i dun really know what it means. emma thinks so too. herm. and especially so by gm, after i showed them this green v-neck shirt that hugged the contours of my body from TopMan (as recommended by riz). the moment i showed them at the dressing room, it was instantly a NO-NO. "He looks damn gay lah!" GM made the female store attendant laugh at my super metro look. haha! herm. suddenly i started thinking. now what exactly must i do to look better?

anyway, i must thank riesal and melvin for their kind help at my "make-over." thanks guys. i think i got a bit more of fashion sense. now i need to money to actually buy the clothes and accessories.

maybe i should have like a "gay-day" where i dress provokatively. ah well, until that day, it shall still be 7/8 denim berms and my bright gaudy yellow asics shirt and even brigher and gaudier yellow slippers.

hey peepz.

the guys are training. and i am blogging. cos i am sick AGAIN.

i sense a pattern. i had persistent cough the beginning of last sem. the beginning of this sem. i am sick again. i hope it won't become a ritual. it has been about a week. seen the yih doctor. might want to go back home and see the clinic. asked janice to give me some cough tablets that might cause constipation. she sees Raffles Hospital doctors. hopefully, the medicine would be of a superior quality too. hehe.

anyway, so i was reflecting about myself, as usual. Gm's birthday gave me a big impetus to think about myself, since my own birthday is coming. its not big deal. its not a hush-hush secret. its going to be on the 21st of january. send me smses or messages wishing me happy birthday if you wish. but just to clarify, i dun seek rememberance, nor do i want like surprise parties or expensive presents. at this point of time i really am okay.

i remembered by own 21st birthday. i spent it in the guard room. and opening the gate for my platoon to go home for the long weekend. when the clock struck 12, i sang happy birthday to myself. sad? now that i reflect on it, i laugh at myself really. think its really funny. ah well, my parents forgot my birthday a few times when i was younger. those were heart-breaking times. and now that i look back, i used it to tell my friends and again laugh. of course, to try to gain a few pity points. but they amounted to nought.

of course, i had some really great birthdays. had a remote control car at 5. that was before my parents started forgetting when my birthday was. i remembered one year, i got a bar of chocolate as my present. and another, a toy plastic car from my sister. ah well. then my secondary school friends organized a party for me in sec 2. that was my first party of sorts. and i cried. ah, young, inexperienced, foolish youth. in uni, the alex and the db guys celebrated it at arts bash and a cake. i will always remember it, cos the wish i made came true. and of course, alex got dead drunk and tried to kiss everyone. well, i was the only one willing to take care of him, and we ended up in the corner, with me pinning him down, while he continued to try to smooch and bite me. the guys still laugh, riduculing that we looked like a gay couple furiously making out. ah well. and my sister bought me a samuel and kevin jacket. well, thats basically my birthday histories. at least the more memorable ones.

i am just really glad gm was happy with his. i took quite a bit of effort making it a surprise party. truth be told, sorry gm, but it did not mean to be a surprise party. frankly, i meant to treat him and alex because i lost the who-got-the-lowest-CAP bet. and that led him to think he was going to have a lonely dinner with 2 guys. bet he thought it was going to be the most loserish birthday party ever. that is like akin to me asking them out to celebrate christmas eve at my place watching vcds (which i did ask, but they flatly turned me down, by the way). haha. and well, that propelled me to make it a surprise for him by asking as many of the people as i could. and i am glad they turned up on such short notice.

melvin commented that this has set the standard for future birthdays to come. haha! when i heard that, frankly, i got pretty scared. i certainly do not want to plan such huge scale events (huge in my living context) after going through the horrors of planning, worrying about if he was going to find out, and desperately smsing to try to confirm the guest list that kept flucuating with the volatility of a woman experiencing menopause. and how surprises kept surprising me, like how gm who supposed to go out shopping with in the afternoon, ditched me for someone more desirable. (haha! but its only natural so i understand) and so i had to start aliasing with that someone through someone else, and argh. it was mind-bogglingly stressful. and then came the logistics, of having the gather all that agreed to come, to meet at a strategic point at a designated time, while stressing that everyone come on time. and then i had some who would be late, and some who wanted to be late. then it came to coordinating the movements, such that there would not be any chances of him seeing, and then getting him to come. and keeping his attention distracted until that single moment when he would step in and go, "eh. everyone is here." and then he would be stunned and shocked and then cry. okay. he din cry. he just faked it with a finger running down his face. and then came the accounts. haha! presents, cakes, and trying to divide them among those who came and those who didn't. and haha! you all get the idea. bottom line. i hope i dun have to go through this nightmare any time soon. and my main point. i dun want anyone to go through SO much trouble for lil o' me. cos then, i will, like how gm feels towards me now, pretty much a feeling of gratitude and indebtedness. so gm, please, do not, i warn you, do not do anything farnee.

so what exactly do i want? frankly, i don't know. certainly no big gatherings. and no fatty birthday cake, and no throwing me into the sea, and no big hoo-haas. but actually, i haven't really thought of what i wanted. ah well. there's still time. right?

but yet when i think about how i am going to be a grand old age of 23, CRIPES! everytime i think of the number, it really freaks me out.

somehow or rather, a certain chain of events got me thinking about the topic of "emotional maturity." and so i goggled "emotional maturity" and this was what i found:

******************

SYMPTOMS OF EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY

1. Volatile Emotions
Emotional volatility is indicated by such things as explosive behavior, temper tantrums, low frustration tolerance, responses out of proportion to cause, oversensitivity, inability to take criticism, unreasonable jealousy, unwillingness to forgive, and a capricious fluctuation of moods.

2. Over-Dependence
Healthy human development proceeds from dependence (I need you), to independence (I don't need anyone), to interdependence (we need each other). Over-dependence is indicated by; a) inappropriate dependence, e.g. relying on someone when it is preferable to be self-reliant, and b) too great a degree of dependence for too long. This includes being too easily influenced, indecisive, and prone to snap judgments. Overly-dependent people fear change preferring accustomed situations and behavior to the uncertainty of change and the challenge of adjustment. Extreme conservatism may even be a symptom.

3. Stimulation Hunger
This includes demanding immediate attention or gratification and being unable to wait for anything. Stimulation hungry people are incapable of deferred gratification, which means putting off present desires in order to gain a future reward. Stimulation hungry people are superficial and live thoughtlessly and impulsively. Their personal loyalty lasts only as long as the usefulness of the relationship. They have superficial values and are too concerned with trivia (their appearance, etc.). Their social and financial lives are chaotic.

4. Egocentricity
Egocentricity is self-centeredness. It's major manifestation is selfishness. It is associated with low self-esteem. Self-centered people have no regard for others, but they also have only slight regard for themselves. An egocentric person is preoccupied with his own feelings and symptoms. He demands constant attention and insists on self-gratifying sympathy, fishes for compliments, and makes unreasonable demands. He is typically overly-competitive, a poor loser, perfectionistic, and refuses to play or work if he can't have his own way.
A self-centered person does not see himself realistically, does not take responsibility for his own mistakes or deficiencies, is unable to constructively criticize himself, and is insensitive to the feelings of others. Only emotionally mature people can experience true empathy, and empathy is a prime requirement for successful relationships.

Are you emotionally mature?
***********************
http://www.betteryou.com/maturity.htm (bibliography. in case i get sued for plagiarism)


and as i read this, i found myself mentally ticking off many (thankfully, not all) of the characteristics i identified in myself, and my behaviors.

and so i ponder and reflect and wonder. where along the way did i go wrong. but more importantly for me, is what must i do to correct my faults. and i am finding a seemingly insurmountable task ahead of me.

in my bid for emotional maturity, i start to question, what do i have to do? what must i give up? what sort of time, effort, activities, must i sacrifice/ scale down/ take up.

i AM going to be 23. i should make a more conceited effort to grow up.

hey peepz!

yes, yes, yes. finally, i blogged. haha. thanks to a consistent flow of complaints from nice, ardent fans about the dismay they experience everytime they see "11th November" whenever they open this blog page, i have finally decided to take some time to make a come back entry.

during that one month, so many many things have happened. and so fast too. shall not bore all of you with details, so here's a brief outline of significant events.

firstly, exams. stress, revision, stress, stress, yada yada yada. everyone experiences it, so no stranger to these phenomena. it was great studying with friends, and familiar faces, especially with dragonboaters, knowing that your fellow friends, who row beside you, are working just as hard studying together, all striving for individual yet the united goal of better grades. also of special mention, to benny and shumei who are always together, and have also been faithful companions with me in our days and nights of ardent struggles.

and so, after exams, it was the dreaded standard chartered marathon. my first of many to come i believe. trained only once on a torturous journey with yoke and jiahe. oh how i will remember that hot day. and oh, how i more impressedly i will remember the actual marathon. how i had yoke and pq as initial companions, and then ah fu. and how much determination ah fu had when we were running together briefly. oh, but the most memorable part was how i fought, and how at so many part, i simply decided to give up to walk and how much effort i had to garner to run again. what was disappointing for me, was not really that i gave up, but really how easily i gave up. with how little mental rhetoric and persuasion i attempted against giving up, and how quickly i actually did. what was satisfying was i completed it under 5 hours. next time, next time. i shall not give up. next time, next time, i shall run faster, harder and with a whole lot more preparation.

and hence, after one day of recovery, took my first ippt. all thanks to my dear dear buddy desmond, who paced me, did i achieve my gold. who satisfying did i get my 400 dollars. and how quickly, and unconsciously that amount vanished. haha.

signed up for california fitness for a month and for 18 dollars! thought i bought myself a real deal! almost everyday was dedicated to luxurious gymming. got to know andy. interesting guy, no doubt. got to know spinning, and got to see really babelicious instructors like seline, oh seline, and elizabeth. haha! if i am rich enough, and work in the cbd area, will prob get a membership there. so many interesting drama in the locker room too, involving andy, melvin and alex. ah well.

moved back home. so glad to see my parents everyday again. of course, i started missing my room the moment they started nagging again. after so long, i realise that the more i grew away from my parents, the more i am growing to become like them. my "auntie" nature of totally relishing in discounts is so like my mom. and the tendency to enjoy domestic duties like cleaning the room is so like my dad. oh dear. am i going to look in the mirror and see my dad in myself? no disrespect, i simply fear becoming like my parents. i wish to grow and mature into someone independent and capable of a different nature than of my parents. i wish to do them proud in achieving the success they would only wish for me.

christmas eve. how some of the guys will remember christmas eve. here is just a brief discription. had a party at my place with the guys. lots of alcohol. someone got dead drunk. that someone puked on my bed, my floor, my cd collection. that someone had puke smothered all over his face. that someone had to be dragged all the way to the toilet. the rest of us had a hard laugh. that someone had an intimate time with the toilet bowl. that someone had a major hangover. another guy came late, drunk and acted totally cute. had a good laugh at him too. and a third guy drank little got drunk too and slept lots. puked lots too. but at least he had enough clarity in him to puke in a plastic bag. mel helped lots in cleaning up. after everyone fell into slumber, i stayed up and cleaned up till 5 until i myself had to collapse in exhaustion. great party guys. really.

results. i remember that day. was in the library. it was raining. was in the toilet doing some big business when a certain alex called and shrieked how well he did. 4.5. was happy and pretty surprised, as was everyone. who knew that the guy with so little general knowledge and inability to operate a washing machine could actually get onto dean's list. a lesson to be learnt about stereotyping i guess. although as his roommate, i should give him credit for working smart and hard though he did give the impression that he was whiling his time away blogging 5 times a day. was very glad to hear subsequently that many people did extremely well. made a bet with gm and alex, that the guy with the lowest cap would treat. in the end, I treated. i got 4.3. shucks. haha. guess, i learned a lesson about humility. haha! and a good lesson too. congrats to gm and alex for exceeding expectations. also congrats to all those who did so well. i am more determined to work a lot harder and hopefully exceed my own expectations.

new years eve. went on a crazy sales hunt. first, it was to gnc, then to the U2 warehouse sale and then to the books warehouse sale with mel and riesal. we really went mad. the "auntie" in me was simply overjoyed. then the "guilty" conscious kicked in when i recounted how much i spent that day. ah well.

new years eve party. everyone thought there was going to be repeated affair at johnny's. this time, it was mainly red wine. tried to get each other drunk. but alex held his liquor pretty well, and guomin would not be fooled. kim huat's girlfriends cheesecake was simply sedap. and johnny was the ultimate hospitable host. we enjoyed ourselves there too! so many people turned up. played worms with mel, alex and xiangyi. xiangyi was annoyingly good. despite all the collaborations and plottings against him, he still managed to win 5 out of 5 times. grrr... and it was so fun.

through out the holidays, met up with many many friends whom i had not seen for so so long. my jc classmates, my secondary classmates, my ns buddies, and other friends. went blading with janice. was quite a good experience. shall pick up blading soon. got to know a few new friends too. hehe.

school's started. having a five day work week again. harder modules. smarter people. 2 psychology modules! when i am not a psychology major. social and industrial and organizational psychology. 2 political science modules: political enquiry and government and politics of southeast asia. and a science usp module called evolution. wow wow wow. the sem just gets harder and harder. of course more and more challenging.

guomin's birthday today. had the hardest time organizing a surprise party. and it was the biggest party to date. invited both the guys and the girls. was glad at the turnout. had to make so many plans, send so many smses, make so many trips. glad that he was actually surprised. was so afraid that someone would have accidentally told him, or that he actually suspected. he thought he was going to spend a lonely party with 4 people. "so much for popularity." melvin was commenting, we have set the standard for all the birthday parties to come. herm. its going to be so so hard. hehe. had great help from qianyi and wenya. and angela for cooperating so sportingly. was a bit disappointed though, at again, how the guys and girls tended stay apart, both sides seemingly so shy or adamant at talking to one another. thought it would be juvenile if we were to force a guy-girl-guy-girl sitting arrangement. i was hoping that under a social setting, that beyond the usual melvin, alex, jason, guomin and me "liason officers", more of the guys and girls would make some sort of concerted effort to get to know one another. but i guess, "shyness" is the main reason. just hope the get together broke some more of the ice. anyway, they went to ktv while mel, alex, wen, jul and i went for coffee. so i really, fingers-crossed, through ktv, hopefully a more intimate setting, the guys and girls got to know one another better.

so school has begun. many of us are actually looking forward to it. the initial dreams, hopes and plans are laid out. day after day, it will be a challenge. day after day we will all fight and strive for our goals. and i hope that day after day, we shall forge closer bonds. we shall attain a closer step to happiness. we shall fulfil our destinies. sounds grand? cos it will be.