the more i stay in one place, the more i feel that the i dun suit the place. for various reasons, i dun find what i am looking for. i may not know exactly what i want. just that, i am beginning to understand what i do not want.

of course, it is also always partly my fault. i haven put in enough effort, enough emphasis, enough understanding.

simultaneously, after what i have seen right in front of my eyes, i get more and more disillusioned, more and more disheartened, more and more disappointed.

im not suitable for this. im not.

loneliness is manmade.

now, if only i can unmake it.

hey peepz!

im standing in the hotel lobby using the hotel's free internet access to type this entry! how cool is that! haha!

anyway, im doing just fine here in KaohShiung, Taiwan, and so is the team! here is a little short update.

the competition here is so tough! there are teams from hungary, switzerland, germany, even USA, France, south africa, japan , korea, indonesia and taipei. it is pretty happening! generally we did pretty well. we managed to enter the 500m finals, which we were not expecting, cos we thought we came in second in our heats, but we came in first. anyway, we came in 5th for that finals. a few hits and misses.

but generally a good overseas outing. i certainly hope we have jumped more than a few steps in terms of rower maturity, experience and understanding. hope to take them home and share with the ladies and the juniors.

the competition was pretty well organized, and there has been a lot of hype for this event apparently. as usual, lots of beautiful people. the guys from europe are huge! and they make their boat sink deeper in the water. but that did not prevent them from sweeping the top honors in the competition. and we wonder what makes them champions.

the german drummer is looks like Cameron Diaz! omg. she's beautiful. even the hungrarian drummer is gorgeous with her long flowing hair and slender legs.

as for the guys. i thought the japs were the best looking. sorry wenting. shashin o torimasen. you have to ask yongming for that. they left before the last event in the competition so we din get to take photos nor exchange singlets. the next prize goes to the koreans! haha! then perhaps the taiwanese. as for the guys who will read this again in the future, there has been batista, and the ABC. two really huge, hulking guys whose biceps are as large as our thighs. oh. and also the french, who simply loved to strips bottom naked in the open public when changing out of their wet suits when they are simply just camped just outside the toilet. we suspect they wanted to display their national pride, which is hidden in their pants. ah well.

anyway, the competition is officially over. the swiss, hungrarians and the germans took most of the medals. the indonesians did asia proud by taking a third prize. i am truly humbled by this experience. despite having rowed for 2 years, i am in no position to say i am an experience nor even a expert rower. no, not even a novice rowers. having pride in nusdb, does not mean i can be a proud rowers. i recognize my own individual deficits as a rower, as an athlete, as a person. we recongizee we still have a lot to do as a team. i hope we can be there to support one another, both those within the team, and those outside.

all right, its time i try to do some reading. i can safely say, my goal of 5.0 is pretty much out of my reach, but i must "gia diao diao" and be "stubborn" and keep up with the waves, keep up with the passing boats, keep up with the waters, the stroke rate. i have to resolve my every stroke and show them what i have got. no 5.0 also got 4.9. lai!