tiring day. tiring training.

some one said he enjoyed my previous few entries, others found it boring. ah well, i cant please anyone now can i? where's the gossip? wheres the juicy details?i guess the best thing i can do right now, is to take things with a pinch of salt and try to jazz things up just a wee bit, while still retaining my style.

i do not know why, but halfway through the return leg of the run, i actually had abdominal cramps. i do not know how they occured, or why. they just snuck up and pounced so unexpectedly. i was looking forward to running and catch up to the front, but i found myself lagging so far behind. if it was not for the v-cap, alvin, i would have simply stopped to walk. i was in turmoil. i was in real pain. every step, every breath was accompanied by a pounding in the abdominals.

was quite glad i made it back alive really. and was quite grateful for the encouragement by the v-cap. hope to improve my running in the future.

sometimes i wonder if i know how to row. sometimes in the boat, i realise that i forgot about this point, and in another time, i forgot about that detail. i cant seem to be able to get everything together, all at once. more often than not, i feel as if i have come back to square one, when nothing to me is certain. all i hear is what i am to do, and often, what i do is exactly what not to do. sometimes i feel i just cannot get it, whether its the the catch, or the twisting, or the stretching. sometimes i can do it, but i cannot endure for very long. sometimes i just go through the motion with weak arms. sometimes i put in my all in it, only to realise that i have gone off the timing. so many times, i just bend my head down, or look out to concentrate on breathing. and think about about my stroke, and what i am going to do in the next set. i try to keep a positive attitude about my stroke. when i get feedback, i make a conceited effort to work on it, but more often than not, at the expense of another aspect. i just wish i can make everything come together beautifully, the technique, the strength, the endurance, the stamina, and even the style. after a year, i guess, i still have a long way to go, if i want to do good in this sport. one year, is perhaps not enough.

i think i let myself get bogged down by too much thinking, too many details. someone told me the alpha male is the chin cai, shuang kuai man. i wonder if i can just be more relaxed about things. even though certain aspects of life is not what i wished to be, like my befallen academics, or my lackadaisical fashion sense (or the lack of it), or the small network of friends and acquaintances, or simple just the ability to be who and what i try to strive to be, i do try to convince myself, that life is still worth living to the fullest, that my goals and aspirations are still worth all the effort, that things will work out. right now, i am living on a faith, God's faith that everything will indeed come out all right.

unfortunately, God did not answer my prayer about a part time job at Borders. it was quite last minute, cos Jason has a friend who works there and Wenya got some lobang. when i caught wind, i was very interested. however, when we went up, they reavealed that they had in fact filled up all positions and were no longer hiring. crest fallen, we left. i had always wanted to work in either borders or kino. it would be like heaven, working in one of my favourite hang outs. yes, yes, i am indeed a nerd. but what better way to work than somewhere you know you would enjoy working in? its only luck i guess. its only fate. that things had to turn out this way.

right now, i am keeping my fingers crossed about that teaching job in chinatown. tomorrow is a week from the interview. i wonder if they would contact me. i was hoping they contacted me yesterday, and hopefully today. every minute that passed means a little bit more hope has slipped away.

its a little hard to keep your chin up, when there are so many things weighing so heavily on your mind. my whiteboard is silled with unconnected ideas and plans for the holidays. and into the fourth week, i still find myself grappling with whats happening right now. i think i need professional help.

"whoever desires constant success must change his conduct with the times."
another random quote.

ciao!

hey peepz! its me again, here, sitting in front of my lap top blogging while enjoying the smooth focals of the wonderful, exceptional emi fujita's camomile... wow... i listen to her to sleep. and thats a compliment. not many songs get me to sleep. she really relaxes you. sigh. she came to singapore last year, but i did not have the money to buy a hundred over dollar ticket to listen to her lull me to sleep in the esplanade. ah well. i still love her vocals.

today's weather was exceptionally wierd. it was really hot. and then halfway through the rowing session, down poured the heaviest rain i ever experienced. gosh. and i left my bag out in the open. right beside the rubbish bin. i had faith in human kindness, someone who would just shift my bag from the outside corner to the inside corner where there is shelter. and so i harboured that faith all through out. at the same time, i told alex that i wanted to test the bystander's intervention model we learnt in psychology. according to the model, the more people present at the situation where they deemed help may be needed, the higher that liklihood that no one will bother to help. its called diffusion of responsibility. its like, if you did not bother to move the bag, then why should i? its none of my business anyway. its like someone lying unconcious in the middle of the crowded street, or someone dropped his or her things on the ground. the more people there are around, the less likely anyone would take the effort to help. but if there was only one person, then he or she will most likely help, because the entire responsiblity of helping has befallen on this one unfortunate passer by.

and so, when i went up during a break, lo and behold, under the shelter where many many already soaking wet poly students (i dunno which poly) were shivering in the area where our bags lay protected, just beside them, lay soaking wet, mine and pq's bags. hm. interesting. i refuse to believe that in a land area as small as the sdba, NO ONE ever took notice of two huge bags receiving the cruel battering of a thunderstorm. i mean. wtf right? ah well.

luckily, my huge hulking bag is a BLACK HAWK. in case no one knows, its a military, tactical material used by the US marines. its a brand of military equipment, and one of them is a field pack. mine happened to be one of such kind. and i am very proud of my bag. its has a large storage capacity and a great back support structure. it may have cost me an arm and a leg. but i tell you its damn worth it. its been with me for at least, oh my god, 2 years now. all through halfway of NS and my first year. wow. i did not realise how long my constant companion has been with me. its the same bag which everyone queries what i carry inside it, because it looks huge. and full, and packed and not to mention heavy. i just laugh along with them. sure, it may not be the most fashionable, or colourful, or popular like a crumplers or an addidas, but i really do love my bag. and reminice the trials and journeys it has accompnied me through.

oh, and whats my point really? that the bag is water resistent. it would be great if it were entirely proof, but alas, its not meant to be. ( i make it a point to tell people that its bullet resistent too, but usually i just get laughed at further more. and i laugh along.) and so in the end, most of my clothes got wet. i always carry extra underwear, but alas, they were all not bared the soaking of rain water from the bottom of my bag. and i had to wear a relatively moist underwear after my bath. ah well. its not as if i had never experienced such discomfort in ns, but its never something i would voluntary do, espeically when you enter the cold air conditioning of suntec city. ah! thats when it gets itchy AND cold. haha!!! and its not at all a welcoming sight for me to start scratching down there in public. haha!!!

and back to my original point. that the bystander intervention model has prooved itself once more. no one helped. and i had to suffer the consequences of not putting my bag under shelter.

and thus marks the end of another wonderful training session, with the fun and laughter of great friends and the flashing and booming of lightning and thunder.

ladies and gentlemen. i have am pleased to proclaim that i, have once again outdone myself! yeah!

in case you have no idea what i am speaking about. well, i just got back from the mph booksale. with a LOT of books. really man. i think i went absolutely crazy and shot right through the roof.

i think i am the sort of person, who, after continually tried and desperately attempted to refrain myself from a certain addiction, only ended up sinking myself deeper and deeper into the sticky pit of self indulgence.

argh!!! there were sooo many people at expo today, cos there are many, many exhibitions going on today. most notable is the gourmet food exhibition, which we did not make time for. while walking from the mrt station to hall 6, i wanted to just raise my magic staff and part the sea of people to let me walk through swiftly and smoothly. haha!! i wanted to be moses. and when i finally stepped foot into the hall, i think i literally went insane... i picked book after book after book after book after book after book. i had a mountain high worth of books!!! argh! after 2 to 3 hours of continual walking, bending down and ploughing through piles of piles of messed up books, i thought to myself, this has got, oh it must stop somewhere. and so i did and went back to "home base", the spot where alex has planted himself to guard my precious treasure. and i proceeded to eliminate the books one by one. i told alex that i would have 3 layers of budgets. 50, 75 and 100. you know, like several targets. yet, the more i went through the elimination rounds, the harder i found it to simply discard each book. it was as though i had already grown attached to each prize found.

i loved the moment when i dig through books and books, only to find that one "special" book. i cant identify what is it exactly. the cover, the title, the content. they each had to combine to create an influence so attractive that i would instinctive know i would like to keep. and yet, to throw several, in fact half of what i got, was as if to abort a beloved child. okay, okay. its all exaggerated. but you get the picture right?

anyway. so at the end of the day, i did not manage to keep to my budget. the exact amount, i shall not disclose. its just obsene. just that. its gross. i think i shall have to forgo my Great Singapore Sale Spree.

as i look the row of my new additions to my shelf, there is a bitter sweet sort of happiness running across my lips in a wicked smile. is this the perverse enjoyment of nerd gone berserk? or simply just the madness of a psychotic auntie who feels satisfied after a mega sale at OG?

ah well, right now, i just feel drained. emotionally, physically, mentally and not to mention monetarily. i need that job now. and i hope i get it.

okay. i got to go now. i still have training tomorrow. and a whole lot of books to start reading!

oh. one more thing. from now on, i will be posting a quotation from my personal collection. in case you all did not know, i am a huge fan of quotations. although i cannot rattle any of them off the top of my head due to my more than inadequate memory, i specially write down those that resonate through my heart, head and spirit on specially cut out index cards and are perpetually kept at my bedside for quick pick-me-ups. i do hope i can share this with everyone and hopefully create the same effect on you as is has and still do on me. forgive me that i do not include the author. cos i could not care less about who said it. its what is being said that matters.

"Our aspirations are our possibilities."

ciao!

oh no! alex just informed me that he went to see a doctor about a persistent pain in the leg, and now he cannot run for 2 weeks!

looks like the poor chap has pushed himself so hard. and all this while trying to balance so many things in his life, arts club, church commitments, db. woah. i wont be able to handle everthing myself.

anyway, so please take care of your self dear boy! lets all train safely!

hope to go for mph book sale... just hoping.

ciao!

hey hey! i am going to clock more blogger mileage again!

just watched episode 136 of naruto. today's one a bit boring, cos they are now crossing into another story arc. jiraiya, naruto and sukura are now in rice field country doing an infiltration mission into the hidden village of sound. its S class!!!! means its super dangerous! ah well!!! hope to see more wonderful fights!!!! subarashi!!! sugoii!!! hope so see more of jiraiya's super moves! maybe the lame sakura will finally do something!!!
cant wait.

anyway, i got my hair cut. yes. i did. i went to this "signature saloon" just beside my house. i thought it was one of those, ou know, glamourous sort of hair dressers like reds, or toni and guy. but it turned out to be quite the deserted sort. ah well... and i told the hairdresser/barber i wanted it short... i thought he was going to like style it for me... but in the end i got like a recruit hair cut...

i din complain though.. cos firstly, i did not know what to say to the guy. seriously, hair talk is like a completely different and alien language to me... much like greek. in fact, much of this fashion talk is very much out of this world for me. i dun understand colour cordination. i dun understand dressing. i dun understand style. which makes me stand out as the resident geek in the db team, cos everyone is so egomaniacal and narcissistic. okay. almost everyone. all the guys' hairs are ever in place. only me, who never ever bothers to comb my own hair.

ah well, so i came in a recruit hair style. and that stupid gm just kept laughing at me...
I the perennial walking fashion disaster. jason would say, call the fashion police... haha!!!

so i kinda like promised myself, in order not to be laughed at, and in order to make a more conceited effort to upgrade my image, the next time i go for a hair cut, i shall tag someone of high fashion status with me. haha!!! but that probably wont happen until 4 months later, because my hair is that short.

sigh. can anyone help me??

decided to clock some blogger mileage before i head into bed.

yesterday was quite a tiring training session. we have been warned about how things would settle into a monotonous routine, and everything would become such a drrraaaggg....
and i see i happening. yesterday, was another freakin hot day. i thought we would all simulatenously combust into human torches. the heat wave sapped all our energy away, and the sea somehow turned into sludge. the row was lethargic as the rowers were lethargic. i could not feel any motivation, any spirit. hopefully, things would feel better tomorrow.

the afternoon proved to be quite fun though. weiming, yanming, guomin, alex, xianyi and i went for lunch at yoshinoya, plaza singapura. it was a funny lunch event, cos 2 of us were so hungry, that they did not want to wait till 230 when the student offer would come into effect. somehow or rather, the auntie at the cashier was so kind as to let the rest of us order the student priced foods because we kinda indicated our presence and our intention to buy the food. so, due to her kindness to bring forward the time of the offer, the rest of us got the cheaper meal. someone was visibly, but humourously irritated.

after that, we went to play pool at paradiz centre. i was so excited, because it was only the second time since the exams ended that i played. i remembered the times when i used to play alomost everyday. well, the craze has died down, and so has my skills. was in bad form. stupid. lost to gm. crap. super crap. other than that, it was generally a fun day. hopefully, the rest of them thought the same too. and i hope that more of these after training activities could take place. interestingly, some of the girls from the girls team were singing at the kbox at paradiz centre too! but we did not know that until after we left.

after the pool, gm and me accompanied alex to buy food for a his celebrating a friend's birthday party. that too proved to be quite an entertaining outing.

after alex left, gm and i walked about in orchard. we went to new urban male, because gm wanted to look at a 'tok cock, sing song, national past time' shirt. num is famous for its gay vibe. and two guys at a shop like that spelt trouble. especially, when one of us proclaimed himself "cute" and a "9 pointer". ah well, some of us is simply shameless in flaunting visible assets. well, it was also an extremely interesting outing. because, it was the first time i tried on a muscle tee. i tried a small, an boy, was it body hugging. i felt so embarrassed just looking at myself in the mirror. i called gm to ask him if this was the sort of "look" it was trying to achieve. out of no where, a salesman appear from outside to peer inside the curtain. i forgot what he said, but he came off as pushy, forceful, and super duper gay. i kept laughing inside the changing stall. after i came out, gm said that the same saleman was showing him some shirts... i think he was trying to pick the cute guy up!!! haha!!! i shall leave the details to gm. ask him if you are interested in finding out what exactly went on.

so after that, we did nothing much, but just walk about, chat. we had dinner at marche. it had been such a long time since i ate there. its more expensive now, but the food is as delicious as before. we ended up sitting in this desolate corridor, because it was only 5 plus, and still early for dinner. gm was feeling generous, so he treated me to ice cream. thanks man! it was wonderful, but we had to run more to burn off all those extra calories. i was feeling fine, until gm pointed out that people were probably thinking we were a gay couple. 2 guys choosing to sit along a quiet corridor, sharing a plate of ice cream. i never realised it, until he mentioned it.... diaoz....... well, he wanted to sit there because that particular spot meant something to him. ah well, sentimental and mushy... wah....

so after that. we just walked about borders and left. that was the end of tiring, but quite interesting day. shall visit num more often. quite the entertaining place.

today, was another interesting day. because i went for my first job interview. it was a cambridge enducation centre in chinatown. thank you dear alvin for recommending the opportunity. it was more like a chat with the vice principal francis. quite the entertaining guy. i forgot most of what we chatted about... but if there is one thing i remember, he said that teaching a class was like putting up a performance. every lesson, you give the best performance of your life. and before every class, the teachers gathered together and said "its showtime!" hmmm.... that is indded an interesting perspective on the art of teaching.

after the interview, i began to have second thoughts about whether or not i could handle the job if i were to get it. ah wel... i am glad that some of my friends expressed their faith in me. thank
God of people like them. thanks guys!

okay, its time to head to bed. i still have to wake up at 6 tomorrow.

so ciao!

hey peepz. nothing to do. so blog. for the fun of it. see what comes out of this vacant mind of mine.

its the start of my so called 3rd week of the holidays. and the routine is getting to me.

went to kinokuniya yesterday! they were having this 2o percent sale!!! ooo hoo!!! i am sorry to say, but events like this, get me excited. i was so bent on going to kino after training. in the end, only alex went with me. cos he had work at novena later. but i think we were so shack, that we only walked about for while, before we went to the sixth floor, sat on the bench and promptly fell asleep. well, the guy was going to stand on his feet for 6 hours. he needed the all the rest he could get. and so, after we woke up, and he left, i went back to kino to look at the possibilities. in the end, i stood at my favourite section, the "self-enrichment" section, and took up some books to read through them. it was quite tough reading the books, because one, it was directly beside the children's section, and two, i did not want to sit and block the passageways.

the children were hediously noisy. child after child that passed me were either bawling and crying for something they wanted but their parents refused, or zipping past me on their roller shoes, or just simply making a ruckus. why could they not be more considerate for people who would like to just enjoy a simple book.

anyway, so i stood there by the shelf, and speed read these two books on speed reading (how ironic). well, at the end of the day, i dun think i really remembered much. but if there is anything i remembered, is that the only way to improve your reading speed, is really to consciously practice them, and read, read, read!

after that, i walked around the place contemplating books i thought of buying. but there were simply sooooo many books i wanted to buy. it was 20 percent! oh gosh, how could i miss such golden opportunities. the next time kino will have a 20 percent sale is probably in the christmas season. they only hold such offers twice or thrice a year. ah well...

so in the end, i did not buy any books. i am just waiting for the mph book sale this weekend at expo!!!! oh, for the love of god... the books, on bargains... either 6, 8 or 10 dollars. the only down side, is that the books aint exactly current ones, or bestsellers. most of them are unwanted books to be sold quickly. however, there are many many good books, that they seem to have overlooks and placed them within the pile. many good books, i bought at bargain prices. like the tipping point by malcolm gladwell, the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, the lord of the rings, and books by harold bloom. oh my gosh. wow. i feel so lucky. unfortunately to date, the only book i have read is the tipping point. the rest, like i mentioned are still within the confines of my book shelf, waiting to be read, while i go on hunting for more books. they have been bought over, but neglected and left on the shelf. i am such a hearless bastard.

i will read them. soon.

okie. its time to go to bed. need to wake up at 6 am tomorrow to go for another, hopefully fruitful, and enjoying training session at kallang.

ciao!

its about the end of the second week of the so called holidays. dun really remember having been in at home for a straight 24 hours... everyday so far since the last paper has been filled with training and extra gym or running sessions.

does life suck? hm. i am not complaining yet.

yesterday, met my jc classmates for dinner. how interesting that they remembered that i remarked "see you guys at the end of the sem." and so we did. its sad. cos it only served to remind me that i have been cooped up with my so called life all by my own. but its sadder in a sense, that they (but not only them, even the friends i see in school) , do not really know the details of my life. i seem to have attained the labels of "nerd", "mugger", "the guy at the law corridor." sooner or later, my favourite bench is going to have my named carved into it to unofficially declare it my turf. still, the fact that i am only known and will only be remembered by these labels, serves to show how much i have lost contact with the world.

anyway, we had so much fun yesterday. as usual, when benedict quah and mark lin are in the house, they never fail to bring the roof down. or rather, they never fail to make us laugh so much and so hard, that our laughter brings the roof down. they are kooky, and comedic and humourous. half the time we were laughing at what they said. half the time we were simply laughing at them.

after the filling dinner at sizzlers, ben, mark and i went to JW's house to play mahjong. it was a very last minute decision. i had training the next day, and was declining the offer. but in the end, my weak will and bare resolve crumbled under peer pressure. and went with them anyway... sigh. anyway, ben turned out to be the biggest winner, followed by JW, me and mark. me, despite only having one big win, lost quite a bit of money. ah well...

thanks mark, for accomodating me in his humble abode. it was lucky for me because his house was only a few bus stops away from the kallang river. i had sufficient sleep in his sister's bed (who luckily was in australia). yup yup.

it was the first time at his house. and he pointed me the houses of the infamous joo chiat war, whereby two neighbours are currently at each others' throats over dunno what matter. and he was telling me how one is shining a huge torch light into the enemy's house, who retaliated by blocking the bright light with a mirror. in another instance, they were both filming each other's property, lest either makes his killing move. sigh. the paranoia, the insanity, the sheer stupidity. seriously guys, there are people dying out there, and two rich people are wasting their time watching each others' ill intent.

well, while they have their own personal issues with each other. i cant help feeling that me and my pals in db are having personal issues of our own. whether it is within ourselves (demons, fats, paddles, work, waitering), or with each other (seniors and juniors, a place in the boat, room mates), i do hope they will make us each better people, and make all of us, a better team. goodness know how.

had a few conversations on what a team is. shall reserve my thoughts so far, cos they are super incoherent. or rather, i am just too tired to think about them now.

things are going quite fine so far... although i still wish i had more time because i am not doing a few things i set out to accomplish. my room is still in a mess, and i still have yet to read a book, and i still need to do more training. ah well. life may suck. but it aint sucking that bad.

in fact, life is going just fine.

okay. i cant stand it liao... i dunno. i think i must blog. must blog. must blog.... gosh.. have i become a blog addict?

actually, i realise that i have so many thoughts swimming in my head that i cannot keep up. and among many of the mundane and useless information, i have a strong urge to just yell it to the world.... and what better way to yell it to everyone without losing my voice than with my blog....

anyway, its a great way to release unwanted stress from the buzzing of crappy nonsense in my head. and a useful method to keep friends involved in one way or another.

anyway... just to update my non-db friends, and non-nus friends, that my exams have ended. the sem sucked really badly... my first class honours have flown out of the window, if that possibility existed in the first place.... i will be going to penang with my db mates to compete in some competition... we are training 5 times a weeks, officially, and X number of times unofficially.... we have a race in early july, so please come and support us.... i was very interested in a teaching job that dear alvin did before, but it is no longer available. i am so disappointed that i have taken to sinking my butt in front of my lap top to while my time away... anyway, most of the time has been spent resting, because i usually have to wake up at 6 in the morning to get to kallang by 9 at a leisurely pace.... my room is still in a really big mess cos i have so much to clear up... my locker is still filled and needs to be emptied by 31st of may... my singlet tan line is getting so obvious, people think i am wearing a singlet despite being naked from the waist up... i have no more money. i have no money. i have no money. cannot spend... cannot buy stuff... was thinking of going for the MPH warehouse sale coming up soon, and spent about a hundred dollars on books which i will leave in my shelf to be untouched for eternity... in fact the books i bought 3 years ago are still untouched... hmmm.... i just love buying books... like girls buying shoes... and besides, i love the smell... and i also love the knowledge that i bought this book for 6 dollars when it is selling at 30 dollars in kinokuniya. bwahahaha... okay, realise i have been rambling too much, need to indent paragraph.

ah. much better.

so many things have happened in 2 weeks... dun really wish to elaborate.. cos my fingers are getting tired from all my typing...

maybe a few words will do...

anyway, some people have been unable to decipher a few of my entries... so here's what a suggest. get a dictionary.

anyway... i learned a few more uncommon knowledge, here are the more notable ones: "ambidextrous", "oil", "grey owl", "being serious", "team", "individualism", "hard earned cash".

yeah.. thats about it... beginning to slack... well, thats it for now...

ciao.