hey peepz! its me again. and this time its 4 am in the morning.

why am i still half awake at this ungodly hour? i was rushing a response paper due later this afternoon at 4. its crazy. i am crazy.

i knew this assignment a long time ago, and planed and scheduled what to do and when. and how the hell did i end up like this? i have no blardy idea. lets just attribute it to lack of discipline and procrastination just for simplicity sake.

anyway, just 4 hours ago, jason, melvin, alex, marcus and i went to the airport to see the girls/ladies off for their 5 day expedition. so exciting. i could almost feel myself flying off. of course, that fleeing excitement ended at the departure glass. ah well.

have a safe trip ladies! see you all back again next week. and i am soooo off to never never land now.

nights!

hey peepz!

its like 930 in the morning. and why the hell am i blogging again? argh!!! maybe cos it was a weird morning with too many thoughts and emotions running through my blood veins.

yesterday's training was quite a drama. shant bore you with details. another day to go down into the annals of history. was quite shack though. paced with our own juniors last night. they were constantly side by side with us during the 500m race set. i keep seeing them in the corner of my eye. guess they are improving real fast. of course, there were other factors to consider, but still, the fact that we did not pull away further than i thought we should have could mean two thing: they were getting good, we were not that good. or both. ah well. i hope its boths. cos i think we all still have a lot more to go, a lot more effort to put in in order to prove ourselves. in any case, i hope the juniors will improve faster. as yet, they look promising.

had quite a rude shock in learning how the world of dragonboating is not as friendly and amiable as i thought it is. learned that one party was suing another party for posing with their boat. learned that people can be more possessive and materialistic about their paddles more than they care about world hunger or world peace. learned that people stereotype you as the enemy as long as you are a competitor. hmm. guess i have been ra-ra-ing in my own small band of brothers too long to realise that the world of dragonboating is not about beautiful people (see latest urban), but really more a battlefield of glory and honour, personal pride and vanity.

when we were in penang, we were cheering on the national team and spc as fellow dragonboaters from singapore. hell, we were cheering for the myanmar and the indonesian national teams cos they were simply out of this world. i thought the sport was about fraternity no matter where people come from. i thought paddlers of the world unite. and we shall celebrate losses and victory. i thought the olympic spirit was substantial and exists among human kind. guess there will be exceptions. guess competition will always be the foremost characteristic of the singaporean system.

in any case. i still have lots more to see. and i will still express my support for our girls team and the ntu guys teams cos they are both going to tianjing to compete in another international race. before this, when i thought we were going, i kept asking the guys, this hypothetical question: if we got into the finals, but ntu din, would they cheer for us? and vice versa, if ntu got in and we did not would we cheer for them? its a tricky question no doubt. sometimes the "enmity" or rather the perceived "enmity" between the two sides can be felt to be as thick as brick walls, although i have no idea why there should be one in the first place. but if we were outside of singapore, representing our country, would we support each other? could we have become friends? could we have bonded as dragonboaters, rather than remain on two sides of a gulf? i dunno. being the aquarian that i am who strongly advocates peace and cooperation, harmony and friendship, i can be deeply perturbed by the state of human nature: "nasty, brutish and short."

ah well. too many thoughts. think mel, alex and i will be going down to changi tomorrow night to send the girls team off on their expedition. for us, changi is as far as we can go to get out of here. haha!!! wish nus girls and ntu guys all the best again. really wish we could have gone. but ah well, at least now i wont have to miss 6 lessons!!! muahaha! shit. deadlines.

hey peepz! i am back for a while!

i know i should be studying and all. so i am kind of a little stressed and worried. acutally am just chilling for a while before i head on for a little nap before going for a little training before i come back really late and try to hit the books before the z monster tries to hit me.

ah well.

deadlines are finally here again. the second half of the semester is going to fly by so faster than a 200metre sava sprint race which we will be taking part next weekend! and so 3 term papers, 2 response papers, 1 presentation, 1 group project, 1 more mid term test. ooo... and 8 more weeks before the exams launch their stress attacks. ooo... i so feel another semester of hard hitting action. heh heh. this sem i am trying to aim high, so that when i miss, i can land somewhere soft. but not before i work hard. stress stress stress. and last night, to my biggest horror, i discoverd not 1 or 2 or 3 pimples but 5!!! argh!!!! 2 huge ones one both sides of my face (how symmetrical) and 3 small ones which i pinched them out today! i just love seeing those white-yellow bits of ugly mush pop out of their entrenched skin. and i would always think i hear the "pop" sound! argh! makes my skin crawl with a little perverse, fetish excitment. muahahah!!!

anyway, i am supposed to go to tianjing with the team. but in the end, its been cancelled. only the ladies team is going. ah well. the guys are pretty upset and disappointed really. but ah well. you go girls! do us proud! bring something back! in the end, we are all still TeamNUS and we support each other yar! wondering if we should go and send the team off. but it would be at midnight, and i have tonnes of work to do. bleah. i am sure the girls will enjoy themselves! and sure to take lots of pictures! haha.

ah well, and so sava sprint is coming in 2 weeks. this will be our first competition since the PM cup, and will consist of an entirely brand new team configuration, whether its in the 500 or 200 or mixed or whatever. i think its going to set some tone for us for the rest of the year. i have some hopes and expectations. really wondering how it will turn out. nonetheless, i kind of love competitions. really really. haha! and i wonder. cos everytime before any race, i would feel soooo nervous. i remember the ivp finals last year, my hands were quivering just before they said "go!" i wonder i have overcome this jittery tensions in me. i just love the end of it though, the thought that i have put in all my best in a certain set, put in my focus, my attention, my concentration, my heart, mind and soul. and whatever the result, i just want to feel that i have not let myself and my brothers down. but of course, there will be accompanying feelings of defeat or triumph, but for me they are pretty secondary. cos they are just fleeing emotions. all i really want to feel, is just to feel alive.

the juniors are really interesting. in them i see some of us when we first came in. not that i am so experienced. they seem to be bouncing with so much optimism, so much expectations. and i look at my ragged and bedrangled body and expressions, and wonder if i have grown old already. sometimes i wake up from bed in the middle of the night in shock at the re-discovery that i am actually 22 years old. i hope i can re-discover some of that youthful optimism they all have. and i hope they will have a fruitful and eye-opening experience at the sava sprints, whether they are rowing or not, whether they win or not. cos there is really alot more to db than just being in the boat, than just rowing, than just winning. sometimes just simply being there entails alot more about who we are and what life is than what we think it does.

oh. and i want to learn how to dance!!! after watching dance reflections i was so impressed! and especially after seeing our (PQ and i) classmate Liza do her thing on the stage. we were like "woah!" its interesting to see how our impressions about our friends can be enhanced just by seeing how sexy she shakes her ass. haha! sorry liza. but we just want to say "You were damn hot!" makes me want to join dance blast too. the only dance i can do, is nod my head to the beat of trance. and then get a headache. wonder if dance blast have any more free lessons teaching guys with 2 left feat how to dance hip hop. was going to ask a certain someone how to dance. heard he's good at the horizontal salsa. ah well. whatever that means. riiigghhhtt...

beside those above random thoughts. just want to say, i think i am having a better time this sem than the last two sems i have had, for more reasons than one. especially, cos i am staying in the hostel, especially with mel and alex, and in close proximity with people like jason, jiahe, teddy, gm and ms wen. i feel we are having so much fun together. love the alex moments, love the melvin moments, love it when people just drop by and inject more laughter in my life.

and a gentle reminder to all those who read this blog. please, when you see me, please shout my name and say hi! cos really, that would be so cool.

hey peepz!!!

OMG. it feels like ages since i last blog. and so i shall proceed to detail my meaningless, detail-less life that i deem exciting thus far.

basically, i was caught up in an essay due last wednesday. of course, what else could take my time right? girls? haha! riiggghhtt... anyway, so i rushed since saturday, to 2 am in the morning on wednesday to finish my paper and prepare for a presentation. i am just happy to say, that it is alll over. am glad that the prof did acknowledge that i did a 'good' job. whatever that means. it better translate to an A plus plus. rrriiiggghhttt... like the world works that way.

and since then, was busy with a test that would be administered after the mid sem break... yeeeahhh... and i was getting all excited for my first test of the sem... rrriiiggghhhttt... crazy bitch that i am.

and so, i had my fitness test last night. shant say much. lest i conjure images of supremacy and demand that i row the boat alone and win. rrriiiggghhhttt... now, that's a dream that's quite hard to attain. never improved, never value added. think i shall just quit and join the cheer leading squad. not that they are bad or anything. alex keeps telling me how fun it is, and how cute the people are. go! go! go! GM just wants to touch the girls. pervert. mel seems enthusiastic as well. haha! rrriiiggghhhttt... i think i can be one of the girls and get flipped around like pan cakes considering my petite size.

just go back from pacing mel. just glad he din give up. tried the pull ups until he succeed. i kind of need that kind of determination. i kind of need that much pride and force to motivate myself.

and so, did another day of household chores... sweep floor, mop floor, do laundry... fold clothes. and you guys wonder why i am so desperate for time. its cos i have to order the room around. its hard to believe, cos when the guys come over, i always have heaps of mess cos i am too busy (lazy) to clear them up. ah well. at least, i did it now. will plan another da shao chu next week.

the foreigners are flying off soon. i mean my friends who are studying overseas. back to their US/UK life of decadence. will see them again next year.

daryl has a cool hair cut. miss the bugger. need to catch up with him and hear about his pitiful life of chasing skirts that refuse to succumb to his charms. and of course his impossibility of getting grades like A pluses, only to settle unsatisfied with A minuses.

lin hui is flying off soon. will miss the bugger. everyday only want to go out with me cos he's exhausted his list of friends. and then he will always remind of the day when i died as 'section commander' in an outfield exercise and he had to replace me cos he was 2 ic. that ass. am sooo glad he is flying off. might send him off tho. just to laugh at him when he loeaves. haha!

back to the juniors: to all those who have fortuiously found my blog. congrats to you. and like that will make any difference. anyway, the juniors are super fit. many can run. many can do pull ups. many can do rowing machine. some can do 2. some can do all. what a bummer. sorry roystan. if you see this, take this with a pinch of salt, but "roystan must die." oh, that includes people like nazri, eugene, ben, colin, chee wee, and whoever else threatens to take my place. ah well. so glad that the team is getting stronger. i will always remember what jiahe says, draw inspiration from the juniors. think i shall.

okay, back to bitching about my academics: ARGH! i have already been lagging behind in my readings. 6 weeks have passed! and the deadlines are approaching, and the tests are coming, and i am still behind in readings!!! argh! the only thing that has kept me sane so far is my 'serentiy prayer.' i swear to God, it keeps me calm. it keeps me quiet. and gets me thinking more clearly.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, courage to change the things i can, and wisdom to know the difference. living one day at a time, evjoying one moment at a time. accepting hardship as the pathway to peac. taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as i would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right if i surrender to His will. that i may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. amen.

anyway. ARGH!!!! there is so much work to be done whenever i see my schedule, and thinking about the upcoming trainings. yippeee...

my brother is in korea, my sister is in sheares, my parents are in bangkok. my grandma is all alone in her flat. hmm. when i called my grandma, the first thing she did was to proceed to scold me for living in the hostel. then she proceeded to tell my how my dad works hard for his money. then proceeds to hang me up the moment she found out that i am using my handphone (which means more money in bills). and then i wonder why i am so money-minded. cos my grandfather, who was initially rich, lost all his fortunes in gambling (he was dead by the time i was born). and then my dad and mom will rant about how hard it is to earn. and i know how hard it is to earn, just from 2 nights in conrad. and yet, i am still spending money like the progigal son that i am. dun worry, i know where my money is going. think i better quit the team and be a gigolo at night. heard its good money.

anyway, havent been hearing much from my sister, nor my brother. think they are very busy. been smsing dad though. glad to know everything is okay. hope they buy the coloured slippers i asked for. a wide range of slippers shall my my really lame attempt at sharpening my fashion image: at least the shirt and slippers will be colour coordinated. yippee...

really wish i could exercise everyday. really wish i was more free to do the things i want. but i cant, cos i am bogged down with commitments, commitments to my family, to my studies, to the team, to my friends, to myself, to my desires, expectations, hopes and dreams which i believe will probably never come true. think i am soaking in a warm water, the same way Kyo feels in Fruits Baskets. life has come to a lethargic trudge. not just now. its all year through. its not because its school. in fact i love school. really, i do. and i love the holidays. cos there is so much to do.

and so there is so much to do.

hey peepz!

i wanted to to blog, but did not feel like blogging. so i decided to get it over and done with anyway, cos i know i want to blog and bitch and whine and grip, and you know. ah well.

i am sick AGAIN!!! it was really suddenly. yesterday had a slight sore throat, so drowned myself with lozenges. then today, my nose started to run. thought it was just due to the morning, sinus or sorts. but during biodiversity lecture, the mucus started to flow like a fountain. ah well. kept using the tissue paper to blow my nose. what was quite embarrassing, was that the topic of the day was "conservation biology" and one of the issues we as human beings have to face is the rampant hellenic consumerism that is eating up our world. "Do you know how much tissue paper we use?" it was meant as a rhetorical question, but it felt as if the lecturer saw my using of tissues papers to blow my nose as an example for the evils of the general human population. i.e. i am evil, and am part of a grand pirate bunch to plunder the world. wait. i AM an evil pirate, plundering the world, considering how many trees i have killed so far.

anway, the moment he said that, i grabbed all the tissue paper i threw onto the empty seat beside me and slouched in embarrassment. jialing was giggling away beside me. the last time i was inavertly "pinpointed" was when the lecturer said "how do you know if using the computer can fry your brain?" while i was religiously typing away what he was saying. i feigned surprised, to some giggles of the female audiences who saw my expressions, but i felt really embarrassed by that too. i wonder what jibe would i get the next time around, you know, besides the usual "fashion disaster," "emaciated," mugger toad" calls i usually get. ah well.

yesterday was a disasterous day, cos i dropped my lap top during IPA lecture. i was sitting on one of those chairs with a revolving table. while i was reaching to the side to grab my notes, i just heard a big "boom!" saw everyone turn around to see what happened, and saw my baby lying lifelessly on the floor with the the cover kissing the floor. all i could exclaim was "oh my god! oh my god! oh my god!" i blanked out and rushed to check for injuries. THANK GOD that everything was fine. the screen did not crack, the chasis did not even scratch. i proceeded to check for internatl injuries like memory and the cd player. luckily they escaped unscathe. from then on, i placed my lap top on my lap, making sure it would never fall off again. haha! and then, whenever the computer stalled for a few seconds, i would get paranoid, thinking that is spoilt. but ah well, that's just being me.

an so, here i am typing my life away with 2 deadlines coming up, the guys and the gals are at trining, and my nose is still running, and i am feeling hungry and drowsy. ah well. cest la vie. better go back to sleep. hope to recover by tomorrow morning.