Hey peepz.

There have been so many things going on in my life… and there will be even more things to keep me busy: assignments, projects, EXAMS!!!

Feeling quite rotten now really. Today, a friend told me off how harsh, and mean I was to another friend when I tried to correct his stroke. After a set, I simply pointed out his mistakes one after the other. Shant try to justify my actions. Just disappointed with myself, disappointed with my inaptitude at teaching. I am sure, as anyone would, he felt affronted, unappreciated for the efforts he put in the last 2 months trying to master his stroke. And here this idiot comes and pull the carpet from under his feet, or perhaps, in the context, rob him of his paddle and row for him.

This is not the first time this happened, which is basically my insensitivity and coarseness in relating to people. Its just like I said before, I simply rub people off the wrong way. Certain good friends can attest to that, and these are the good friends. Imagine the acquaintances? the strangers? The group mates? The lecturers? I am burning my bridges before I cross them. But most importantly, I am generating anger and negative impressions. And these are the things I would avoid with all my life. I hate anger, I hate resentment. In other people of course. That which I harbour in myself towards myself, I let myself burn in its flames.

Sometimes I feel I am not qualified to teach strokes. Yet, as a senior, I have a responsibility to correct stroke, or to point out what I feel is incorrect (its not like I have the best of strokes… 1 year of practice pretty much qualifies me as a second-year greenhorn in the world of db). We all have much to learn. In fact, I just wish someone could be my personal trainer and teach me how to row properly. So how? Should I continue to open my big foul mouth with nothing but harsh tones and words with rough edges? Or should close a blind eye to what I simply feel (whether or not it is, is a matter of personal judgment) is wrong? Dilemma.

I wish I took up that module called Dynamics of Interpersonal Effectiveness. Then perhaps, just perhaps, I can hold a decent conversation with anyone without fear of making the other party upset. Yes. I am a wuss. An emotional wuss.


Recently, I have lost so many things. Here is a rough list:
1. My creative Muvo MP3 player/ thumb drive. I left it stuck conveniently at the computer terminal for the next fella to drop it in his or her pocket.
2. My bag of toiletries. The bag is a Manchester United bag given by Valerie all the way from UK.
3. A substitute bag of toiletries. This time, in a lokcok plastic bag. And still lost
4. My favourite underwears and socks. Its like the washing machine has an inbuilt Bermuda triangle.
5. One insole from my shoe when I left it on the ledge to dry. Blown away? Dropped down? whatever it is, its gone.
6. My paddle bag. The most heart-break article. The same one my mother made for me with the jeans material… I can really kill myself for that…
7. My nalgene bottle. Left it in the class room. Bought another one. The next week, when I went back, it was sitting at the same spot. The fact is, i still lost it.
Now, I am losing precious time, and losing my mine.

Relax? Relax? Its days like these, when I recount precious things like those above, that I really just want to run out into the heath like Lear and tear my clothes off in madness.


Here’s a message a good friend sent me: in 2 days, its 1 month to exams.

-_-"..............................


some anonymous people left comments on my blog. I have no way of contacting them, nor track down their own blogs. Feeling a bit taken disadvantage of here. Would like a fair exchange but ah well… just want to say, thanks for sharing your sentiments. They were cheery and great.

Okay. Back to my essays. Foresee a 4 am bedtime later…