heya peepz! i just moved into Prince George's Park (PGP) at nus. yeah!!! i am so happy. it has always been my intention to move into this quiet, quaint hostel since school started. i din not want to stay in semester 1 because i wanted to take my driving lessons. AND with the intention of PASSING, so that i could actually DRIVE my things into my new room. ah well, dreams shatter when you fail a driving test.

still, i am beginning to like my room, even though its only on the second floor, and the only view i have is the other blocks. and even if its the other blocks, the girls keep their blinds down and the guys are just happy enough to walk around the room half naked. not that i want to see half naked guys. i mean, they are all mostly scrawny chinese scholars. talk about eye candy. i rather just keep my own blinds down. and stare at the mirror. *eeeeewwww.* narcissist. and not that i am that good looking either.

talking about looks. its just interesting to see how so many of my friends tell me about their experiences of being picked up. only that my friends are guys, and they get picked up by other guys. another *eeeeeeewwwwww.* its just plain humourous la okay. PQ, Melvin Keng, Alex Lim. sigh. i wont go into details. usually when any of my friends recall their horrifying experiences, i always joke and complain why no guy want to pick ME up. okay. firstly, i cannot compare how ugly looking i am to the rest of my handsome/hunky/good looking/gay-attracting friends. i humbly accept this sad fact that i will carry, no, wear with me for the rest of my entire life. look, even GM got head hunted by a modelling agency along orchard road. i feel left out. Oh and secondly, not that i want to be picked up by men. its just that, how i wish some non-biased, total stranger will just approach me and comment on how attractive i am. haha!!! i feel so vain. but at the same time, i feel a little hollowness in my self-esteem. i am just human. and every human wants to be acknowledged of their beauty, either the inside or the outside. ah well. just another wishful thinking, another futile fantasy.

does anyone want to hear anymore whining? okay here's more. i am breaking out. i have another two more PIMPLES. oh.... how i hate those yellow little pus filled icky sickening goo. its painful and it focuses all my ugliness into this one big, obvious and obnoxious dot. oh god of appearances and all things beautiful, please spare me of the agony. have i done anything wrong??? i swear i will buy more beauty products to appease your anger! if body shop is not enough, i will upgrade to biotherm! i swear! just make them go away! make them go away! i know i have not been applying toner! i will get one tomorrow! please just dun let me have an outbreak!!!! cant' believe how dramatic i can get with pimples.

anyway, my best friends in DB are all complaining about how they will never get the nus jacket, which i heard is very ugly. its just making me a little worried. cos i was not concerned at all about it. i know my friends will suan me and say i will make it and all. but the truth is, the notion of whether or not i will ever get the jacket has not made such a big impact on me. i think something is wrong with me. i think i got my values wrong. but i concluded that what i think are more worthwhile, others might disagree. and vice versa. all i know, i am just going to go out there and do my best, plus a little bit more extra. i believe as long as you do your best, that's all it counts. if at the end of the day, the jacket is out of your grasp, it only means you have to work a bit longer before you get it. will i be disappointed if i dun get it? you bet i will, but i know i wont complain about it, and just work harder. okay, maybe i will just go to my bed and cry for one night but that will the most i will allow myself to wallow in the pit of self pity.

a second person called me "insensitive" today. shocked. sigh. i guess after so long, i am still as blind as a bat, and as borish as a pig. i thought i would have made some improvement since the last the time the first person labelled me such. but i guess i am wrong. apparently i dismissed someone's accomplishments this one time. i really did not know. sigh. its kind of ironic, because i was telling a friend that our mutual friend needs to do some introspection, and that he should not be so hyper sensitive. it looks like i may need to do a lot more of introspection myself and be more sensitive. well, thanks for the frank feedback buddy. its things like these that are required to shock you out of the comfort zone and think twice about a situation you have always thought was going well. it may turn out that you may have deluded yourself while wearing your own tinted sunglasses. i hope i will get more of such feedback in the future. put across in a constructive and nice way of course, lest you break my fragile heart.

i dun need a social life. i have one right here and i am going to fix it.

but first i am going to sleep. so i will fix it tomorrow.