hey peez. felt another urge to just blog.

just finished my how technologies work and uncertainty tutorial. quite aride within thouse four hours. i was quite depressed cos i was deemed very noisy. haha!! felt so ostracised. felt so stupid. felt as if every word i spoke, every question i asked was simply a reflection of my non existing intelligence. sigh. it makes me wonder if i have become one of those kind of people. you know the sort who are always perpetually alone. the sort who has been judged dumb even before i think. the sort who do not even have the right to speak, the right to be there, the right to breathe. a tropical Mr. Bean. but even dumber, and more worthless. what am i doing in usp? what am i doing in nus? what am i doing on this earth? its a crushing feeling. to be excluded. its bad being excluded by friends. but to be excluded by strangers. they seem so non chalent about you, if fact, they detest you. your being is toxic, a nuisance, a bother. just shut up.

yeah, that sort of feeling lasted for a good forty five minutes. its was bad. thought i should have just exploded there and then and perish and disappear into the oblivion that everyone wishes all the politicians and ex-lovers go to.

actually, i was more worried that i have gotten into the bad books of my professor. i can so see my class participation points fading out and re-emerging as a negative number. sigh. he hates me. they hate me. the world hates me. i should just lock myself up in a room and rot.

sigh. now i need to work harder. and try to appear smarter.

sorry for this entry being so negative. its just not me. i just need an outlet to purge. sorry that i have to vomit all this nonsense on everyone. now, i feel like i need to take a bath, cos i stink of negativity.

its another bad day. thats all.