hey peepz. its really really late. so i will try to keep it short. i aimed to sleep at 10, but yeah, its 1130 now. got home at 11. ah well.

anyway, today was like the last official training for us. sigh. so sentimental. cap was almost tearing as he recalled his term of captaincy. it was really touching. and so was v-cap.

it made me think how much i will miss the seniors will they leave. sigh.

so many thoughts in my mind right now. but my sister's laptop is spoilt and needs to use mine. ah well.

good night everybody.

hey peepz. must make this quick. its eleven. and i aimed to be in lala land my 11. ah well.

anyway, just came back from a mini class gathering with jw and pq. ah well. its always nice to have us come together once in a while and talk about our fantasies. the amazing thing is that for 5 years, everytime we meet up, we will talk about money, food, travelling and cute guys/girls and when we are going to get married, have kids, blah blah blah. for me, its always so heart warming, cos its like a trip down memory lane as we talk about the past. but when we talk about the future, i begin to feel a lot of apprehensive and doubtful whether all the things we dream about will come true. for me at least. so many queries, and worries. ah well... perhaps, dreams should remain as dreams maybe? but we shall continue to work hard to set up our bookshop/coffe house shall we?

its been two nights in a row that i have continually dreamt of dragonboating. guess can figure out how much i keep thinking about this weekends race. ah well. din remember much. had a weird one where uncle sadu, the attendent at the sdba fell down and kicked the bucket. dun ask me why. i dun know him personally. i just have weird dreams. thats all.

okay guys, got to go now! thanks alot jw and pq for another precious memory. hopefully it too will not fade and be recreated in the future as a false memory.

oh oh oh. its coming closer.

hey peepz! feel very "bloggy" these few days. a lot of thoughts running through my head i guess. cant wait to pour them out and share with everyone, for better or for worse. and hopefully, it is for the better.

remember my new and beloved paddle bag and butt rest bag? took it down for training today. had to go early to pass ms wen back her jacket today. so, inevitably the entire girls team was there. stupid ms wen had to keep advertising my bag to every team mate who walked passed. actually, she was trying to divert their attention to her main topic. so as she cheerfully fluanted my bag, and as i stand shyly in one corner, they belted out their comments. some were good and some were bad. the worse hit comment was "so sissy." i din really know her, but yeah, it does look like a louis vuitton handbag, except only denim. haha!!! others thought it was really cute, cos no one else has a separate pouch made espcially for the butt rest. and its made with the same denim material with my paddle bag. its like an added accessories pouch. it looks really nice. in the end, i bought some carribinas to attach the pouch to the paddle bag, so it looks "cooler" and less of a handbag, and hence less "sissy." haha! at the end of the day, i will still flaunt them around, cos its made by my dear mother, and i am such a mothers boy. haha! but more importantly, i am very touched by my mom's actions, as to have gone the additional step to make a butt rest pouch. touch until can cry...

must say that ms chua's bag is also quite ingenious, cos she added padding at the bottom of her own bag to protect the blade. sigh, wish i had that idea. ah well, will have to take extra precaution then.

i realise that everyone in the team, both the guys and the girls are really proud of their paddles as well as their paddle bags. its something that we as dragonboaters can call our own i guess. just like the gun we had to carry with us everywhere we go, even to the toilet, we are treating our paddles the same. i wonder who sleeps with their paddles though, if anyone at all. and the bag too. the girls especially have taken to making their own. for instance, ms wen's is of a glaringly bright red to match her hair, new spectacles and loud voice, as well as her outgoing personality. most of the guys also took to getting their own paddle bags, whether its from their own mom, or from pq's mom, who is a seamtress, or even to making their own, like zijun. its really cool, cos everyone has their own unique paddle and paddle bag. however, the coolest i have seen is really justin's one. cos he spent sixty dollars buying the orange typhoon paddle cover from paddlesup. thats the one i thought of buying too, if not for my less than adequate cash reserves. his cover is thick and hence provides maximum protection. it has a strap that goes across the chest. and has a nice "long" motif. and not to mention, its orange, our nus colours. it really nice. ah well, but mine's handstitched with mu3 ai4. muahaha! i cant stop gushing of it.

anyway, saw the ntu guys and girls go down for their mixed training today. and it got me thinking, these guys and girls are our competitors. how good are they really? compared to us at least? all i know, is that they are a strong bunch, having beaten us in regatta by an impressive last charge, and had the fastest qualifying time in the first heats of mr500. of course, our winning timing was faster than theirs by 1 second, but that's besides the point. each individual is super muscular, as in, they have bodies any narcisstic guy would love to have. i remember gm was stunned that even their reserves were really "kiat." i dun know much about their stroke or team though, although i would like to understand their team dynamics more. and so i thought, that they may be our competitors, but at the end of the day, they are also only like us, undoubtedly lovable and friendly. i wonder if we can become friends? personally, i bear no personal hatred to them, for i dun know any of them personally. haha! and yet, they are the same people with whom we will have to battle with for glory and honour. it feels like a raffles versus acs rugby match. haha! ah well. i wonder if nus and ntu could do a cultural exchange of some sort, you know, like get to know each other better, cos afterall, we are all brothers with the same passion for a common sport. actually, all i really want to find out, is how do they train until they look so muscular. muahaha! think i am one of them narcisistic man abovementioned.

i remember nassiman, our coach said that, everyone who participates in the competition deserve to win. simply because they too, like us have poured blood, sweat and tears into a passion. they have devoted time, effort and money into rowing a boat together. and i respect each and everyone for that, be it ntu, ngee ann or republic poly. at the end of the day, perhaps, as jiahe mentioned, its not about who is stronger physically, or rowing technique, but it really is all about heart. and undoubtedly again, everyone on that race day, will pour nothing short of their entire heart, body and soul into their own race. we will just have to see, which team will emerge the "heartiest" one of them all.

anyway, just a little advertisement, the competition will be held on the 2nd and 3rd of july, this saturday and sunday. if you can only make it on one day, please come on the 3rd, around the evening time, cos it will be the main events, ending off with the grand finale, the pm cup, the long awaited nus-ntu match.

also, welcome back all you foreign singaporeans from us and the uk, taking a long long break from your respective prestigious overseas universities. so nice for all of you to return and see your dear o parents before you scoot back to wherever you came from to havoc and continue your orgies and sinful, flippant enjoyments of life. haha!
welcom back dear dear lin hui, weiyi and valerie. hope you guys have a pleasant holiday. hope to see each of you soon!

okay. i have to sleep early now. this is in preparation for the competition.

oh, i think the race is really getting to me now. every dream i remember dreaming from last night is about dragonboat! argh!

ah well, hope tonight will be a better night! good night!

i am super irritated with myself really.

went to the optrician. had an eye test. my degree went up! by a lot! and my astigmatism went leap-bounded up 100 points! argh!!! the guy was like, "your left eye is sooo off." i was like, stunned, and like wtf. what you mean by off??? i was quite scared. thoughts of gloucoma, or blindness or whatever disasterous eye conditions i could possibly have. and suddenly i visualized myself as a blind man with a white can needing people to guide me by my arm in order to cross the road. ARGH! i got really frightened there.

sigh. so now, i will have to change my lens. on my way back home, it suddenly occurred to me that i may need to change my contatct lens too! argh! another 200 dollars down the drain! cos i just bought a years supply just 2 months ago!!! crap. i got so angry with myself for not taking care of my eyes. and then again i wonder what could have caused such rapid degradation? a sems worrh of studying? or is it staring at the computer too long? or it may be my current contact lens which has no astig. argh. too many possibilities.

and so in my frustrated mode, i decided to go on retail therapy. well, i was at queensway, so let the auntie in me unleash her fury!!! muahaha!!! anyway, i spent 50 dollars on a new pair of nike aqua shoes, cos my current one has sprung a hole in the right toe, and has ceased to function properly as a supportive aqua shoe. i like my shoes by the way. but i foresee many many people coming to me to criticise them. either for the high cost, or the lack of fashion sense. ah well, for me it was simply about time to get a new pair, and for me, it really means, just do it. felt a little better. and now i am more confident that with my new pair of aqua shoes, we will win this week ends' competition! muahaha!!! beware the nike aqua shoes.

oh, and one more thing. my mom finished making me a paddle bag! haha! i was so happy. i know that many people have derived the joy of making their own paddle bag. i just want my mom to as involved in my desolate life as possible i guess. also, i am just really lazy and cant sew for nuts. the cutest thing that my mom made was a seperate bag for my butt rest! muahaha! i almost wanted to wake my mom up and like kiss her. but shes already sleeping, and i am not the kissy sort of son. and the butt rest case is of the same material of my paddle bag! so matching! the only problem is carrying it cos, they are seperate and not that convenient to carry them both simultaneously, but i shall try by best to do so!

today was a hmm. day. shant go into any details. caught batman begins though. really good show. i recommend watching it. a nice, dark beginning i should say. batman is probably the most complex of all the superheroes i know. cos he din come about with super powers like super man, or was he imbued with genetically modified powers like spiderman. He had to go through what, 7 years of living in the dumps, to find his calling? batman is so full of humanity, so full of angst, so full of revelation, so full of emotions. and he din have no loius lane or mary jane watson. rachael left because she knew he had become unreachable. its so sad. the sacrifice of human relations for a noble ideal of goodness and justice. i wonder if i have the same capacity to do the same. maybe i must go through 7 years of terror before i will have the courage to do the same.

furthurmore, the villains are so cool, good o immortal raz gul. haha! looks like the cartoon character too! moustache and all. and the last part when he revealed the true him, was such a clever twist in plot! but i doubt he died anyway. he never died in the cartoon series, doubt he did either in the movie. scarecrow was a little disappointing though. was hoping to see his scythe. haha! the flaming horse was quite the cool sight though.

alfred is always a pleasure to watch. you never gave up on me do you? never. and the way he said "never" is so inspirational. and christian bale carried out his character really well. so full of scars. he played the playboy really well. esp. the part when he bought over the hotel. i so wish i could be rich enough to do that. i have one bone to pick though, whats with the low, husky voice when he don the cape? i know he has to disguise the voice, but couldnt he do it a little more, erm, how should i describe it? not really "sexy", but more like that in the cartoon. more "composed"? more "suave"? i dunno. ah well. its definitely the best out of the franchise. its a lot deeper than simply killing the bad guys and bedding the babe.

the show aint "james bond" glamourous, but its definitely stamped its mark as one of the better superhero movie. better than X men or daredevil or electra or whatnot. now we will just have to see if fantastic 4 could outperform batman, even though i aint putting much hope in being that fantastic.

another day has passed towards the pm cup. was on the bus, and kept thinking about it. caught the jitters and could not sleep at all. had a headache in the end. am i anxious? oh definitely. am having so many thoughts and so much emotions about this weekend. am glad to see everyone getting so excited and passionate about it.

just want to do it i guess. dun want any more excuses, or anymore reasons. this is the crunch time. its do or die.

hey peepz!

stayed at home the whole day and slept slept and slept! feeling alittle more rejuvenated now.

so its another 6 more days to the ultimate race. trying not to think about it. think everyone is getting the jitters already. pray pray pray hard.

i have more people to thank and be thankful about in this entry.

thank you ms wen who lent her beloved ivp jacket. i am very grateful, because i used her jacket to make me sweat when i was having a fever. so without it, i might have died.

thank you ms chua, for helping me ask ms wen for the jacket! and on behalf of baby mel, thank you for the cable, of which, the design for the singlets would have been impossible.

thank you xiangyi for providing the more frightening moments of my stay in the camp. he scared me by calling my name from behind a corner, and that totally freaked me out in the scary corridors of old kr.

thanks to johnny for constantly reminding us what it means to be focused and serious.

thanks to marcus for showing us what he's got, and what he obviously doesnt have. work on it brother! kidding. you are strong. no doubt about that.

thanks to keagan for sitting in front of me. i find him quite a good rower to shadow. feel bad for scratching him though.

thanks to tat for telling me about the dragon in the sky. it was truly, for me quite a hair standing sight.

thanks to sean for taking such nice photos of us. and speaking of photos, where are the rest of the photos from the team?!

thanks to yoke hian. for many many reasons, humour, inspiration, everything.

thanks to baby mel, alex, gm, pq, riez, winston, jason, ah fu, douglas, noel, xiangyi, teddy, weiming, yanming, and the rest of the juniors and seniors!

thanks to my mom who is making a paddle bag for me.

thanks to my dad who is always so supportive.

thank the Lord for making all things possible.

hey peepz!

just got back from my training camp. shack. and sick.

it was a good camp. lots of training. lots of bonding. until i fell sick all of a sudden, and starting missing training sessions, and feeling all guilty in bed.

in any case. it was also a camp of much laughter, happiness, sadness and depressison. lots of agitation, lots of passion. lots of questions and lots of answers.

a few things i would take back with me personally, probably will be the fire i felt within the boat, lots of muscular bodies doing the cobra, lots of humour, and more blood and sweat derived from each push, each pull, each cheer and each scream as we race towards the finishing line in a weeks time.

thanks my room mate and friend alex for taking care of me when i was sick.

thanks ms chua for the sweets.

thanks the myanmar family for all the laughter.

thanks dr mel for all the inspiration.

thanks tony for all the calling.

thanks weiming for showing us how to embody muscularity and shamelessness simultaneously.

thanks to my brothers for the comaraderie and the love.

thanks all.

hey peepz!

i think i am losing it. my eyesight that is. as i sit in front of my laptop, i think i am seeing double vision. i confirm my left eyesight has degraded. sigh. does it mean i have to change my spectacles again? but i just bought my wonderful, beautiful 450 dollar oakley frame just last year after i orded! no!!!! boo hoo... guess i have been stuck in this chair for way too long. and to think i negelected all those health advertisements about taking a break from the computer after 30 minutes and staring out into the distance. its a huge price to pay.

this reminds me of a korean mtv my sister showed me a few weeks ago. its quite a famous song, think its from that autumn show. its about a photographer guy giving up his eyes for the girl who got blinded by some photography chemicals. sigh. it was so sad. cos he donated his eyes anonymously to her and left on his own. then one day, she met him and realised the truth about the man in shades. she helped pick up a photo of herself and returned it to him, while he simply bowed in thanks and walked away. oh no! heart breakz. i always thought, being the self-sacrificial me, that i would one day donate my eyes to someone else and live a life of darkness as well... wah. then its going to be like di4 xia4 tie3. haha!!! like that show too.

anyway, tomorrow marks the start of our training camp. ooo... its going to be hell week! its going to be training in the day, training in the night. haha! i foresee lots of sweat, blood and possibly tears. i hope to survive it.

there was alot of emphasis of team spirit, one stroke, defending the championship, the feeling of losing, having a focus, having small goals, fighting for one another, communication within packs. there are so many things to think about, so many things to ponder, to soul-search. everyone has a point. everyone has something to say.

i guess its time to sort out my own jumbled thoughts too.

but first, i have to pack, for the gruelling week ahead!

have fun guys! and pray i get back stronger, fitter and a better team player!

hey peepz. its 2 am in the morning. i am getting my hair dried before i turn in. just got back barely 30 minutes ago from work.

today was my first banquet. it was quite interesting. got gan a few times again. i could not portion the food with one hand with a fork and spoon. so my "senior" june had to do the portioning, which was not her original role. ah well. the manager had to jump in and help. quite pai seh. then after everything, i helped a female server, a complete stranger, by pulling and laying out a large table cloth. just as about i was walking back to my area to put back the lazy susan, the manager called me and asked if i had finished all my chores. i told him i was going to put back the lazy susan. and he called me a busy body for helping the female server. i was like huh? i was going to finish my part anyway, whats with a little helping hand? ah well. although i tried not to take it personally, it stayed as a sting in my heart. i guess, i would have to think twice before helping others from now on.

think that manager hates me. i seem to have a bad thing going on with superiors. i hit a really bad note with one of my bslc sergeant, and then another one with my aslc sergeant. ah well. seems like everywhere i go, somebody somewhere must hate me, be it my face, my attitude, or my actions. haha! well, i try to brush it off though. cant please everyone now can i? but with my cute face and positive attitude? really man, somehow somewhere, there must be something wrong with me. haha!

there was a theft at the sdba today. i was shocked. cos the last person with the key to the shed where all the money was stolen was ME! that makes me the prime suspect! and you know, all the thoughts just ran wild and crazy in my head. i sort of feel guilty. sort of feel as if i am to be blamed for this misfortunes. and to makes things feel worse for myself, i am feeling as if all the misfortunes in the world must be due to my sole existence. haha! okay, thats a bit too far, but you get the picture for this o' pessimistic man.

speaking of man, the manager kept calling me "boy." sigh.

was kept so busy on my feet the whole evening and night. and suddenly, after the banquet, plunged into a short period of depression. think i shall have to sleep it off. tomorrow still got training. tomorrow still got run. tomorrow still got another day to figure out.

its ironic, that the more i kept hoping, and praying, and yearning for the simple life, it gets more and more complicated, more and more complex; entangled and entwined with the mechanics of luck and fortune, with the fragility and conflict of human relations, with the out-of-control spiralling of an uncontrollable mind.

i hope that thief gets a horrible death. i pray that the manager trips and fall one day. i hope i will learn to portion the food properly. i pray that dr melvin gets well soon! i pray that everyone will have harmonious friendships with one another. i pray we win pm cup.

tomorrow will be a better day. i am putting my faith in that.

hey peepz!

today, i actually stayed home the whole day. wow. it has been a long time since i ever did so really. for about 98% for the last weeks, it has always been waking up to train, train, train. today, i decided to stay at home.

actually the only reason why was because i came down with a sore throat. when it comes to sore throats, i become super paranoid. sore throats are the harbingers of more disasters to come. sore throats always precedes other illness, especially fever, cold and flu. sore throats are always uncomfortable. i cant breathe nor eat nor drink properly. i hate falling ill. i believe that prevention is definitely better than cure. it beats staying in bed for 3 days feeding on antibiotics and sweating out the heat under 2 layers of blankets and downing mouthfuls after mouthfuls of water, only to go to pee until your knees get so weak you have to grab enough support from the wall just to stand and piss. yes. i have been through all those one too many times to want to go through them again and again. furthurmore, once you fall sick, all those muscles start to atrophy, you begin to lose stamina, and the next time you try to run 5 kilometres, you would feel you were dragging some invisible deadweight along with you.

so yeah. sore throats are evil. they must be stopped.

so i drank a lot more water, took some chuan bei pi ba gao, some strepsils and tried to sleep as much as i could.

i felt really sad when so many people were inviting me out to have fun or gym and stuff. its always so regretful to have to reject people, only to stay in bed all alone in the house. ah well.

but i am better now. at least i can swallow my saliva knowing that i dun have a sore throat. i do have a headache now though, due to excessive sleep. ah well. the price i had to pay.

from now till the race, i have to keep myself sane and healthy as part of my personal responsibility. cannot fall ill, cannot injure myself, cannot eat nasty foods (but my dad HAD to make curry chicken for dinner. ah well, will have to make up for it by going for more runs later), cannot sleep late, drink more water, eat more protein, train more, run more, skip more, swim more, read more on inspiration and mental preparations. wow. so many things to do. guess, will have to start by cleaning up the room.

next week is training camp. wonder what it is going to be like. according to the itinery, its training and more trainng. so guys, i wont be around the whole of next week. have fun without me then!

yesterday was one hell of a tiring day. and here is a concise narration.

yesterday started out with training. running to the third bridge. it was a good run. until half way, i started to get stitch in my right abdomen. my stride got smaller and smaller. i really wanted to give up there and then. lucking my senior zi jun was there behind me and kept pushing me. even by pushing me with his hand. thanks man! really appreciated that.

the rowing sets felt great. it seemed that the morale and the attitude straightened up after the trip. one exciting incident was that in one set, after the row, everyone simply laxed due to the maximum effort. the boat rocked uncontrollably and water started gushing in. the boat was actually sinking. i was in shock because i slipped off my seat and my right knee hit the seat in front of me. stunned, i did not know what to do, except use my hands to fruitless try to bail the water out. haha! then i simply jumped off the boat. luckily the boat did not sink, and the ntu team came along and rescued us by lending us their two bailers. we brought down only one. lucky for our "enemies", we were saved. haha!

after training, i went for my first part time job ever in my entire life, the banqueting at conrad. fortunately or unfortunately, the function was not their banquet, but a party at a club called DXO at the esplanade. i was quite shocked cos i did not really expect that. lets just say it was quite a very long day with a few surprises along the way. i got scolded a few times because i lapsed as the "model" conrad waiter there and then. those were quite embarassing times. other than that, i made quite a few friends among the waiters and waitresses. i got to see a lot of rich people shamelessly flaunting their wealth. i saw a few female escorts who were there to "lighten" up the atmosphere. relax. it was not sleezy or anything. it was quite the high class, professional party for executives. i was quite amazed how tall and erm, sexy(?) they can be. they were oozing with sex appeal. of course, that was their job, so who could blame them right? they were in fact quite the interesting sight.

anyway, i was assigned a job, but in the end i did not carry that out. i was transferred from one area to another as the situation deemed fit by the managers. i ended up working in the open air area clearing plates and serving alcohol, while gm was downstairs having nothing to do but get phone numbers of other girls. a new friend, zhiyong called it my "fire of initiation." it felt like the fire of hell really. it was a really tiring day. i did not sit since 530 in the evening save for a ten minute break (which i believe was rare) until 2 in the morning when we got back and finished unpacking all the equipment. i only mangaged to get home at 3, slept at 330 in the morning, and had to wake up 4 hours later to go for training in the day.

it was quite the exciting day for me. i still have plently more to come. ah well.

okay, time to bathe and sleep again. good night peepz!

ciao!

heya peepz!

i woke up really late this morning with one hell of an aching back, a near immobolized left arm and a lost voice. i could bare scratch my back with my left arm, and worse, i could not scream in any sort of agony. argh! took lozenges after lozenges. hopefully, i will be able to sleep that pain away tonight.

will have to bath and pack and sleep soon. no sooner have we touched back down in singapore, do we have to resume training again tomorrow! and i still have to wake up at the horrid 6 am.

read that there is going to be a time trial for us! its quite the daunting thought. i never had a time trial before... whats it like, what will happen? its like another judgement day. is my stroke effective? am i an effective rower? it shall be revealed next week. better pray harder now.

hey, its our dear jingwen's birthday this sunday! happy birthday girl! so happy for you, you are now one year older at the grand ripe age of 22! i wish that all your wishes of unlimited travelling, buffets and rich hunnky ang mohs be fulfilled!

my parents screamed at me at the mess that i created from unpacking my luggage last night, and i have done nothing to rid them of this mess. ah well. think that the fetid compost is going to be there for a long while.

yeah! i am going to work at conrad tomorrow! its was quite unexpected. cos of them pulled out last minute, and gm was kind enough to ask me if i wanted the slot. i think i was so desperate, to have agreed so easily. this work better be worth it. haha!

i hope everyone in the team are getting their groove back for training. i felt the lethargy when i struggled to wake up this morning. its going to be another intensive battle this next weeks!

i wanted to add a few more memories that i was fondly reminescing this afternoon. melvin falling sick, my times with alex, my times with ms wen and ms chua, my times with mel and gm, and dr mel and pq, the lusty and unabashed desires by a certain lady, the turbulent plane ride back, the eye pain i got after taking out my contact lens, the penang laksa, the one armed hero teddy. there are still many many more, but i guess, they are lost among the stream of memory now...

"its not how big the dog in the fight, but how big the fight in the dog."

hey peepz! i just got back about 2 hours ago from penang. quite glad to be back home i guess. it felt as if i had been away for a very long time when it was only for 4 days. unfortunately, when i got back home, everything just suddenly felt familiar again. nothing change.

where is that new life i was hoping that would miraculously appear??? haha! i guess i was expecting too much.

anyway. the trip was quite fruitful. i wish i had brought a travel journal there. but even if i did, i probably did not have the time to write in it. it was quite rushed. we came, we flew, we checked in, we trained, we rushed our "touring", we rushed to our comepetition, we paddled really really really really really fast, and we left in a hurry and we are back here in singapore.

many of us came back with tao sa pia and little gifts. but most importantly, all of us came back with fond memories and great experiences.

i shall immortalized some of them by mentioning the more notable ones, at least those to me.

the most vivid memory i guess will have to be the races i competed in. the stress, the fears, forced smile to keep myself calm, the near tears i thought i was going to have before the row, the psyhing up, the cheering for each other, the heavy breathing, xiangyi calling out my name, the countless number of strokes i tried to reach for, the shouting, the screaming, the support we gave each other, the pushing, the pulling, the choking right after the race, the dried throat, the numb right forearm. i think i almost cried in the second set. but i didn't. haha! calm and composed.

then after that, i guess it will have to be the 12 men crew race mens finals. it was a clash between the titans from myanmar and indonesia. it must be mentioned that those guys are monsters. and i literally mean monsters. they are huge and super strong. i thought they could break my bones with their bare hands! some of them walk on the scorching tarmac without squinting in pain! well, in that particular race, i was betting on the indonesians to win, cos they had an exceptional track record. in that race, the indonesians were leading all the way until the last part when myanmar suddenly gained a lot of momentum and caught up. then, it seemed that indonesia went into their own last charge and threatened to take the race, but myanmar held out strong and won by probably a hair length. it was an exhilirating race! my hair was standing on it ends. wow.

the next memory, will probably how i felt the girls and guys seem to be getting along better now then before. the mixed team got into the finals!! i was so happy for them. in their semis, they went off course, but in the last minute, melvin steered them back, and they came up with an exceptionaly charge to beat the next boat to grab the second place and a spot in the finals! someone said, that that was a great manifestation of the fighting spirit. and i must agree. it was a good fight! a wonderful race and i was very proud of them. at first, some of us were skeptical about how far the mixed team would go, considering that we had a single half an hour practice, the difference in stroke styles and the so called tension between the sexes. jason said that what seems to be lacking is really the communication needed to cooperate and work as a team. i hope that this is a symbol that we are communicating better and that we are supporting each other as a team. and i really hope that things will get a lot better in the future.

other than those, there were a few other very memorable memories for me. the going over to melvin's and gm's room to chit chat, the going out to the pasar malam, the eating steak at the ship, jason accidentally refomatting his video cam, the taking the lift, looking at all the other teams, making fun of all the other teams. it was really a great trip for me personally.

the cap said that we should take our subsequent trainings with a brand new attitude. one with added insight and experience from our rows, from our victories and defeats, from our debriefs and such. there are really a few key ingredients that we should have if we want to stand any chance of winning future races: discipline, heart, controlled aggression and effective strokes.

i learned that we need all of them together as a team. and i learned that i am capable of each of them. i know that we as a team are capable of all of them.

i really hope that this will motivate us and spur us on! go nus! jia you! whoosh!

hey peepz! shall type one last blog before i log off before my trip to penang over the week end.

the db team is going to penang to participate in an overseas competition! woo hoo! its kind of exciting really. its more exposure in the sport, and at the same time we get to see teams from other countries. see what their stroke is like, their style. and you know, stuff. heard the myanmar national team is going. its kinda imtimidating. then again, cap said that its really more like a training exercise for all of us. the main aim is just to see, learn, come back and beat the crap out of our opponents in the PM cup.

i really hope that we can at least win a medal or something from penang though. something of justify our existence perhaps? haha! well, perhaps its just for the fun of it.

whenever i think about a competition, i keep getting reminded of the aunties of the breast cancer foundation, who were there at regatta and MR 500. when i saw them row, i felt nothing but admiration for these ladies. they are survivors of the unjustified curse of cancer. and they are here bonded by a common struggle for life itself, competing in a race that they know they can never win, but yet, they still fight. they fight as if for a celebration of life itself. i always feel so proud of their fighting spirit. they are out there to win, but they are fighting a different battle of medals, trophies and titles. they are out to conquer death, out to beat back fear, out to proclaim their appreciation, their admiration, their gratitude for life. and they do it in a heartwarming, challengling way, by rowing a dragon boat. and mind you, it is NOT easy rowing a dragon boat. and for them, everytime they cross the finishing line together, even if last in their heats, they still cheer. their friends and family cheer for them on the shore, they cheer for each other in the boat, and they cheer for themselves.

kudos to them. maybe, one day, if i get striken by something of that sort, and manage to survive, i will also, join such a society, and perhaps too, row for my life.

of course, we are talking about a bunch of hot blooded young men and women fighting for glory and honour. we are fighting for another anecdote to add to our own illustrous history. we too are fighting for a higher purpose. we are also fighting for each other, cheering each other on. we have a goal and i hope we will get there together.

"success means doing ordinary things extraordinarily well." -- jim rohn

ciao!

hey peepz. just go back less than hour ago or so. really shack now.

went on a shopping spree with alex. woo hoo! we went to check out the asics shops at ps. they are clearing out, so i wanted to check out the running shoes on discounts there. they have saucony shoes! wow. its not easy to find them. or at least, i din really bother to search for them. yao swears by them. he's one of their biggest fan. he's a middle distance runner back in jc, so i have my trust and faith in his judgment. so i went ahead and spent 150 dollars on it. and it was on a 20% discount! wow. i was so happy.

when i reached home, i was quite excited to tell my dad about it. cos i have been telling him i was going to buy a new pair of shoe all week long. the first thing he responded was, "60 dollars ah?". diaoz... and i thought to myself, "and so it has started..." the money game that is. no dad, its 150. where did you get it? asics at ps. asics? and he said it with a note of cynicism. and so when i showed it to him, the first thing he said was, "the heel is too hard." diaoz diaoz. i felt a dark cloud looming above my head. and so, he launched into a lecture about running shoes...

what a bummer. to be so proud of something, only to have my judgment criticized. thinks its the 150 dollars that put him off. my dad is the sort of person who would rave and rant about the 10 cents wantan mee in his days compared to the 4 dollars version now... yeah. i bet you guys get the picture.

and what would i expect to hear from my dad after that, was the doomed question. "so how much do you have left in your bank." the dark cloud gathered faster. thought i heard a crack of thunder... "not much right?" and he proceeded to launched into a sterner lecture about saving money, and blah blah blah. not that i disrespect my dad. i simply heard that lecture one to many times. i think i am that sort of rebellious kid, that the more my parents talk about saving money, the more flippant my attitude towards it is. i am gone case. really. really gone case.

anyway, in view of the fact that the teaching agency did not respond to my pleas and cries, i decided to give the banquet thing a try. the very banquet at conrad hotel that po qin quit. think desperate, i am.

its not wonder that my money is flying out of my bank like caged pigeons who have never seen daylight. i have been spending them on whatever nonsenses. of course, most notably is my mph warehouse insanity. then i bought a few clothe articles, which probably amounted to quite a considerable sum as well. then i bought a few bottles of addidas soap, because several people, of whom i shant mention names, have been "borrowing" from me. "ge gao..." and now, I bought a new pair of shoes, and a another shirt and what nots. sigh. really gone case. i will be a pauper in the future. "you must take care of your finances, when i am gone..." my dad's words ringing in my head.

really gone case.

i really am not very into all the philosophical stuff. i think my brain is really too simple, and too ill equipped to grasp the metaphysical structures of life, society and human relations. all i can think about is how to fill my bank with money and how to keep it there. all i can think about is how am i supposed to pull my cap up, which is hovering too dangerously close at the border line. all i can think about is how to survive the next day without another major crises banging on my door. all i can think about is how to maximise my happiness and minimize my sadness and pain. i am utilitarian trying to breath under the sea of life.

right now, my eyes are just droopy. and my body cries for the simple pleasure and healing powers of sleep. i pray God has his plan all laid out for me for tomorrow. and i hope it will be a smooth one, no depression, no criticisms, no disappointments, no hurtful remarks, no rejections, no dao responses. no none of that! i just want smiles, and happy faces, and joyful cooperations, and harmonious living. yes. i want the perfect day where the sun will shine and the flowers will bloom, and the clouds are just nice over our heads while we row the perfect set in synchroncity, and doing it under 2 minutes. yes. it will be the best day of my life. and i can die happy.

oh. and i want to go to the GNC clearance sale tomorrow.

gone lah. gone case.

shant say that much about the results. i did okay. guess i got what i deserved. good enough to justify all the hard work. bad enough to justify all the lack of it.

there's not much point in dwelling on it so much. sure, it may not feel that good when you hear someone else do better than you, and you may feel a little better about yourself when you hear yourself do better than someone else. i heard so much about both sides, and experienced both emotions. its only natural. but at the end, really, who cares right? the sensation was but a fleeting moment, and the score is but another full stop in the never ending story of your life.

after a good day of exercise, to relief all the pent up frustrations, i guess, its time to lay all my burdens to God and lay my head to rest. the heart will sing, and the mind will soar, and tomorrow is going to be another day to conquer.

had a good swim too. after a very long time. alex was supposed to swim too, but he pang seh me to save another friend. isnt he the noble sort? haha! indeed. ah well, and so in the end, i same a good 40 laps. need to start preparing for my life guard refresher course in july, when it will be swim, swim and more swim. woo hoo.

in the evening, met up with shiying to test-run the csc camp's fright night. was there to be a test subject, a scream-o-meter. it was fine. was not that scary. alot of darkness, a lot of loud noises. oh, and i got hit in the face by a flying teddy bear tied on a string. ah well.

ended up quite late. they were doing debrief. i realise that it is quite hard to do a fright night. but it can still be done. it needed a lot of make up and a lot of props. i remember alex is in charge of his arts camp fright night as well. all the best to him and his project! hope it will turn out to be a success.

and so this marked the end of another long, exciting, not that fruitful day. the books on my shelf remain untouched. i have GOT to get down to reading them.

random quote of the day:

"Ooooh. Ahhhh. Get out."
--Andrew Dice Clay's impression of a one-night stand.

ciao!

i am runing away from reality. haha!

thats because i could choose to turn to the school web site to check out my results for semester two. but i refuse. i cant bare it. i cant stand looking at some disasterous results only to remain stunned, and bring a living nightmare into the realm of dreams, that is if i manage to fight down the depression to go into sleep in the first place. haha!!!

and so, i have come up with the plan to reveal my results tomorrow morning, immediately following which, i shall watch the 137th episode of naruto. and then head for the gym or something of that sort to pound all the iron and angst away! good plan eh? i wonder if that would be sufficient though. may need to like break a few plates or vandalise something to appease all the foreseen frustrations.

surprisingly, i am not feeling all that nervous this time round compared to the last sem. i dont know why. maybe its because i deliberately shelved it in one dark corner of my memory. until today, when i realise that my own results will be released in the afternoon. i am really afraid.

everyone keeps telling me that i will do well, simply becasue they always see me in the law corridor. wow. thats like i am smart simply because i am holding a book. usually i pay no attention to such remarks, because i have to forgive them for their own ignorance, for what they do not know, what they do not see. in that corridor, that i so often frequent. it does not just have a history of academic diligence, it contains many many moments of disruptions, of mini crises, of mosquito bites, of heat waves, of turmoils and emotions. but of course, of wonderful company, of great conversations, of fabulous friends. i am not just a nerd who does nothing but sits and studies. only that not many people can understand me, and nor do they know what has happened in my life. so they tend to make sweeping statements. i dun blame them. cos i do that too! haha! i make generalisations, only to realise that they are not only unwarranted, they are also unjustified, and unfairly uncalled for.

of course, i would wish that all the effort that i have put in the last semester will pay off in the form of some decent grades. only God knows, and i want to believe, that i will get what i deserved.

in any case. for those who already got their results so far, i hope they can be satisfied with it, and map out the plans, where they will have to keep moving from where they stand. and when i get mine own, i will do that too.

argh! its like 9 days since the interview for the teaching job. i have almost given up hope. time to turn to the classifieds for a job. if not, i will have to turn to the horrible banqueting that gm and the rest have so terribly described! ew. ew. ew.

after todays training, gm, alex and i went to dhoby ghaut for lunch. ate at subway and had some rochor road tau hui. wow. i love it. its really smooth and sweet. so unlike anything i have eaten. definitely better than the schools. but the portions are small. still worth the money i should say.

after that, we went to my favourite leisure spot! the snookerium at paradiz! woo hoo! i.e. we played pool. actually, its was gm and i who played pool, while an exhausted, tired, aching alex slouched in one corner and promptly and amazingly fell asleep. he had work in the evening. what i thought was remarkable was that in such a noisy, loud and uncomfortable place like a pool parlour, alex still managed to sleep quite soundly, with his mushroom hair drooping over to cover his face. haha!

and so, gm and i had a show down! muahaha!!! had been wanting to find a competitor for such a long time! someone to qie. someone of a higher standard than me. but not that high. someone i hope to manage to beat! zaixiang is one of them. someone i would want to play seriously against and hope to beat soundly! zx, you better watch out! haha!!! anyway, so gm and i played. it was fine. we played six rounds. i told him that he played really well. in that one round when we wagered a drink, he played super well, and potted the black ball with 4 of my own still on the table. but i still beat him in 4 games. ah well. haha! hope to play more soon! maybe i will be as crazy as the period after ns. play everyday... wah... those were the days man....

now, i am broke. must watch my expenses. haha!!!

okay, time to go and sleep. tomorrow, i foresee, will be one hell of a day!

"i never forget a face, but in your case i'll be gald to make an exception." -- groucho marx.

what am i doing here? blogging away? basically i came online to check my miw about my little holiday to penang... apparently everything i did yesterday, seemed to have vanished. so i had to like recheck the procedure to see if i did everything correctly, and do it all over again. hopefully, i will get them right this time.

i am very concerned because i would like everything to be a smooth sailing for me, rather than to come back and get in trouble with the authorities in a matter of 3 days. better to be safe than sorry i guess.

yesterday, ms wen, ms lim, gm and i went about walking around orchard after my little fiasco at borders. whenever i walked around orchard, i always wondered if i would ever meet any of my friends. because its really rare that i ever. however, in yesterday's little outing, i actually met YX in front of wisma, Junhao in front of taka, and JC at sakae sushi. wow. what an amazing coincidence. how cool is that.

anyway, we went to topman, to look for clothes for me. i needed a fashion make over. in the end, it was gm who bought a 46 dollar peach collared Tee. he looked really good, or so the girls raved and drooled as they dished out the comments like Mother Teresa was with here kindness. i just stood there and nodded in amazing ignorance. haha!!! and so we walked in search of that elusive shirt that would fit me. i did not like most of the shirts anywhere. wanted to get a muscle tee from num, but there was no size for any of the more "decent" shirts there. in the end, we wandered in to fourskin, and i tried on a few shirts. the service there by this malay chap was absolutely rotten. but ah well. even though i was quite apprehensive about this white shirt will pink words "bill" and "ding", i got it in the end, cos they thought i looked pretty decent. or at least, thats the best i could pull off! haha! ah well. its my first shirt with anything pink. then again, its my first anything with anything pink. i do hope i could pull it off like they said i could. anyway, thanks gals and guy. i guess i do need to go about shopping more often.

today's outing was perhaps just as exciting. i think my bank account just dropped another 30%. haha! after training today, gm, alex, mel and i went to ikea for lunch. but first, we had to drop by the BMW worksh0p, cos mel's poor car got cruelly and unjustly vandalised. so we had to make a little pit stop there. it was my first time in a car gallery. as usual, in my absolute suaku-ness, i just gazed in amazement, at the beautiful and ultimately unattainable BMWs on display. the atmostphere was one of utter richness. it was as if the air had some monetary value in it, and to breath is was too expensive for my humble lungs. haha!!! i just stared, and wondered if i would ever get to the stage and say, i would like to take that model over there. and that too. just charge it to my platinum. thanks. wonderful service by the way. haha!!! i wonder if i would ever, ever get there.

anyway, after that, we went to ikea and had, for myself the first time, the famous sweddish meatballs. gm and mel were raving about them, so i tried. it was indeed unique and delicious. would go there again the next time if i had the chance.

we met jiahe, emma and enerst along the way, and followed them to the tyr warehouse. while the seniors discussed about t shirts, the rest of us went about shopping! haha! i got myself a pair of swimming trunks. and so did gm. alex and emma got themselves a pair of board shorts. i was quite happy. hope to go swimming soon! yeah!

okay, its 1230. i absolutely have to sleep.

ciao!

"to love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance" --oscar wilde

its not inspirational, but i thought its funny.