hey peepz!

mel said that its been a long time since i blogged, so here i am blogging again.

maybe cos i have been sick for a very long time, so not much mood to go and blog. hiaz. been sick since the time i failed my driving test. gm said, guess you will be sick for a very long time, implying, that i prob wont pass my driving test anytime in the near future. saw 2 doctors liao. yokes probably right. i aint taking good care of myself...
everytime i get so bored of staying cooped up at home, i go out, thinking that i am already well, only to fall sick again halfway through.

today's training was quite tough for me. i felt really tired and slept before training started. i thought i was okay, but running back from the esplanade was a real torture. i kept pushing, and telling myself i could do it, and that i should not let my team mates down who kept encouraging and pushing my all the way. but towards the last 1 kilometre, i simply gave up and fell back. i saw my teammates carrying on their race against themselves, while i simply decided to let go. noel, my vc was so super encouraging. he wrapped his hands around my waist in order to push me. and i felt really grateful for his words and support. a little embarrassed though, because i am not really so accustomed to having someone pushing me all the way. a little disappointed with myself too, that i decided to give up. and at the end i simply collapsed on the ground, heaving like some dying sheep. very unglam. very unbecoming of me. realised that i was beating myself in my thoughts. not because the others ran faster than me. i aint that competitive. just sad that i actually consciously gave up half way. i hate giving myself up. but that can also be a bane, because sometimes, i fail to weigh my own abilities and push myself too hard, till i crash and burn.

like on thursday's training. After the run and the statics, I simply ko-ed. Halfway while walking up the stairs to the gym, I kinda blacked out. I laid myself outside looking up the ceiling, thinking that I was going to die. I reminded me of my first day at training, when I kind of blacked out too. Sighz. Marcus got alex to stay with me. So alex did his statics while I just lied there. Thought I was quite a funny sight, cos in some distance, a bunch of nussu people were clearing up after the matric fair. I just laid there and watched a guy push about a girl on a wheeled trolley. Hm.

So, anyway, I after today, I thought my fitness was going on a down hill. Its funny, cos I rememebered saying I want to get stronger than the incoming juniors, and one more week before they get their first taste of training, and I am like, down and out. Sigh. Its like the more I want something, the more they moved out beyond my reach. Like my driving licence. Oh no! I am aiming for a 4.5 this sem! Last sem I aimed for 5.0 and I got like what 3.9. and what will happen to me this sem??!! I am growing paranoid. I have set my sights, and am willing to go the distance, so why does fate always seem to put all these sort of obstacles in my way? Maybe it’s a spiritual test. Or maybe its just retribution. Ah well.

Gm keeps saying I should get a make over. You know, thin your hair here, dye your hair there, get some spanking new clothes, and I could “rock” arts. Hmm. Its every guys wish to look cool and funky, regardless of their looks (read mine: ugly), so why not? For me, its just the finances. I simply do not have the money. All my money, goes into fetishes like blindly photocopying notes that I wont read, and buying more books that I wont touch. Hm. Okay. I guess that does put another interesting perspective on my life. Maybe I should pay more attention to my looks. The real world does run on impressions. I just dun understand the need to put BOTH hair wax AND hair spray just to keep my hair standing on its ends for half a day. ah well. There are many mysteries to be solved.

I still remember my resolution to make nerds look cool. Hm. Dun think I am doing such a great job as yet.

The water session was quite torturous for me. The weather was really scorching. My breathing was really shallow. Everytime we completed a set, I was gasping for breath! It was really tiring and exhausting. And we are using the old paddles for training, which means that I have gotten more blisters! I got three already. I tore the skin off to reveal the bare flesh and they hurt real bad. Argh. I really love my grey owl.

Anyway, my time table has been set. Am taking 2 political science mods: introduction to public administration and public administration in Singapore. I will also be doing 2 USP mods: making of a nation and biodiversity and conservation biology. And finally, taking introduction to theatre and drama to fulfill my faculty requirement. Alex kept telling me about the module on the bus home cos he took it last sem. Apparently, I get an edge in the module, cos I am a guy. Hm. Hope I can get an A plus. Mua ha ha! Ah well. The time table is set. The exam dates look a lot nicer this time round. It time to hit the library once again to grab the notes before they get hoarded by a group of kiasu people who conspire to keep the book by simply tossing the book from one to another and back again by reserving the book, one after another. Heh heh.

Yeah yeah. That’s me alright, kiasu, “auntie”, nerdy me.

Life is as exciting as ever, where everyday is an unpredictable adventure. Who knows when the next homework will come, who knows when the next crisis will befall, who know when the next… argh. I worry too much. Maybe that’s why my head feels so heavy and I keep having all these headaches.

Okay. Till next time!