yeah! finally get to blog again. its been what, three days? was rushing my cyrus essay. was rushing paper 3 draft. will be rushing sociology assignment. that's life. and exams coming. more and more stress. yeah!

went for writing module. showed my draft to nitesh and petrina. nitesh is really smart, very intellectual and not afraid to shoot his mouth off. basically slammed my draft, much like Mr. Nerney, only more direct and much, much, much clearer. i was feeling dialectic, whether or not to hit him because of his criticisms or to hug him because they were constructive. haha!!! in the end, was more happy than angry (actually din feel any rage) cos i had a much clearer idea what i will want to do for the paper. one thing that really pissed me, i guess, was that i find my intellectual capabilities lacking in comparison to his. maybe its his being from india, but then i am being racist, saying that all indians are smart. he's the exception. (oops. i think i just made a discriminatory comment). i wonder if theres a prescription for smarter thinking. somehow, i think my brainiac abilities have settled into comfortable state of stupor and blankness. i dun think i can think critically, i dun think i have great analysing skills, i dun think i can make ground breaking inferences. i have become the average man. i have become ordinary. oh ... my... god...

maybe that's why i borrow a book called "logical thinking", full of examples and exercises. it seems i have established a belief that everything can be learnt from books. living, thinking, feeling, believing. i seem to think they can all be learnt. can they? or am i doomed to be like i am as i am? no. i dun want to believe that. i want to believe that i can improve, and if i dun have anyone i can learn all these from, i will learn through books. at least books dun slam my ideas.

db was comparatively less strenuous today. concluded i cant sprint. only better in long distance. always have a mental block. i wonder if there's a book on how to run fast....
no, of course not. it takes practice, it takes training, it takes conceited effort and tangible action. i have to work harder.

that's the thing, i keep saying i will work harder. and i do, but i dun see tangible results. friends will encourage me to keep going for i will see the fruits of my labour... eventually.... god is kind, my sincerity will be repaid.. and all that kind of motivational speeches. i know. cos i say it myself. but then, they never considered the possiblity that what if it does not happen. many people in the course of history have worked their ass off, some literally and some metaphorically. but the point is, some people's efforts DO go unnoticed, some DO go unrecognised, some even misrepresented or misinterpreted. what if i am one of them? one of them who will pass by the annals of time unheard, unseen, unknown? worse, branded as a traitor, or bastard, or loser? i think too much. no. i worry too much. i dun think critically, i think fantastically. so whats the message? just keep being sincere, and just keep going.

GM said that his friend told him that his blog is boring. i told them that that's because he dun blog that much, and that he din blog about his friend. i told him that friends are not so much interested in his life per se, but rather what he has to say about them. you who are reading this are not going to remember all my bitching and ranting. you will probably only remember what i say about you. if its good, you will come over to me and smile more frequently. if its bad, unless you are my true friend, you will come smiling to me with a dagger under your shirt. so how? i will blog and bitch and rant anyway. cos i dun care about you. i care about me. haha!!!

i want a house with a queen size bed.

lesson of the day: if you want to stay in a hostel, make sure you apply at the beginning of the sem. they dun have any accomodation for students who wish to stay over. if you want, bunk over a friends, or just sleep on one of the benches.