eileen had a bacterial infection so she din come to school, and to think i printed her lecture notes and bought her breakfast. well, i ate them all. hope she gets better and get her essay completeted!

political science lecture was terrible, the girls behind were so noisy, and alvin kept pointing out the oblique references of Prof Paul Tan's lecture: cyber net, free adult male citizens, pubic perfomance, Hitler. and what's alvin's conclusion? the professors gay. hallelujah! the power of alvin's logic.
and last week it was playboy + two guys staring at each other = gay. praise the lord! alvin's theorem.

but that's probably not the real reason i felt distracted. i was preoccupied with a certain friendship i was wondering if i should take a chance on. then i had all these expectaions, and hopes and wishes. and then, suddenly, they were driving me nuts. i dunno. i never felt so passionate and wanting before. the thought was daunting. thought i found the one. but it felt too fast. could i be wrong? is it possible? it was a sinking yet a hopeful feeling. it was becoming a desperation.

how close can two people be allowed to get? before they realise they were fated to be great friends? before they can trust each other with their lives? before they can open their hearts to their deepest darkest depths?

what a wonderful joy it is, to be able to say you have found someone to share your life with, especially for someone who has taken the conscious effort to close himself from the world. what a wonderful feeling it is to think there is someone who can melt the snow in your heart and set forth flowers in the spring of emotional release.

but at the same time, one cannot set his expectations too high. no one is perfect. The person may unlock your heart, but he or she aint going to stay there and keep a fire going forever, just to keep it warm. so be content, be merry and keep the faith.

i will take that chance. maybe is God's way of saying He is here. and here's an angel i sent by the way. take a leap of faith, put your eggs in this basket, and I won't let you down.

but at the same time too, i wonder if i can be an angel too. can i fulfill my duty as a friend? will i be there if my friend needs me? will i listen to my friend whine or bitch or laugh or cry? can i be the same punching bag i want to punch at myself? i wish i was endowed with such knowledge, looks like i have to go get it the hard way.

you can break my eggs, cos i will just put more in your basket. its a chance that will make or break me.