ganbatene, baka inu
i have been sick these days. in all sense of the word.

my throat is hurting, i am coughing, i feel queasy, i have got blisters, and on top of that i am not getting any good sleep.
and then i am exerting myself in dragonboat and my studies. everynight means sleeping at 1 in the morning, and waking up at 7 to go to school. its work work work everytime everyday.

i realise i am emotional unstable. my heart can't take longing, and my heart can't take hurting. i try to be more resilient, more determined, yet it cries as it breaks, and cries as it mends.

i am addicted. on the rational surface is seems to wrong, so terrible, so bad. yet, i like it. but this dialectic is renting me. my heart and my head. my body and my soul. its teaching me so many things, things i have never done before, and yet i am surprised i did it, and that i am capable to doing it. its an ugly side that must be hidden and kept away.

okay. back to finding ASEAN. why can't we just cooperate and make the world a safe place?
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