ganbatene, baka inu
had another round of endless reading that seems to go nowhere. my essay is still not done. am i doing anything effective at all???
had so much problems with defining the terms. and doing more and more research. but i have not decided my thesis, nor narrowed my scope. nor decided how to approach it.

went on some sort of retail therapy at co-op. despite dwindling cash reserves -- i know i dun have any social life. so where does all my money go to? don't ask how. it just is -- i decided to buy that blue Nike sphere dry cap i have been eyeing for 2 days. before any of you make any judgments about my fashion sense or the lack thereof, i just want to clarify that the purchase of the cap is for expedience. my hair is getting longer and longer. and i am getting to lazy to gel it. so i choose the lazy option of wearing a cap. that's all. why this cap? cos its blue. and its my favourite colour.

also, i bought a plastic screen for my laptap that is supposed to filter away the glare. actually its more because i am getting tired of my screen attracting all the dust. and i am ever so afraid that whenever i wipe it, i would scratch the LCD screen. so i bought a plastic filter. the interesting event was that, because the plastic filter was too big for my screen, i had to get it cut. the shop attendent, was this super cheerful auntie (its not the usual one, its a total stranger). she was helping me cut the thing. and she was very helpful and skilful in dishing out advise on how to get it cut. i was very amused and also very grateful for her help. so yeah. i am very happy that my baby i.e. my precious laptop has gotten herself some additional protection. she feels pampered. i feel happy. we are both satisfied.

oh, both the cap and the filter cost 25 dollars each.

spent a lot of time watching clips of the female commedian Margaret Cho. my friend recommended her to me and i was laughing at the short clips. you all should at least take a look. you wont see or hear much in singapore though cos she is a fat US-born korean who is a gay/lesbian supporting, government-bashing, trash-talking bitch. or so she proclaims herself to be. but she is really, really, really funny. A pity that she will never be allowed to step on Singapore shores though. i highly recommend this one clip called "pity sex", when she impersonates a highly bored girl having sex. its is super funny. go watch.

so yeah. other than that. boring, fruitless day. but i shant go on anymore. like i said, i make my own bed, sow my own seeds and dig my own grave.

anyway, yeah. maybe on a more serious note. i want to apologise to many of my friends who had to endure my gloomy looks and moody aura. apparently i have quite a huge impact on some of them, or at least the few i have left.
all i can say, is that all of us have problems and worries, and inner demons and conflicts. everyday is a battle, when all you have left are wearied spirits and gashed battle scars. its just that some of us are less able to hide them from the external reality we are in contact with.
you may ask, and wonder and question and second guess. the least you all can do to help is just be patient. the truth is, i am extremely obnoxious, and repulsive, and repellant. but rather than express anger, i choose instead the emotion of melancholy. i find that it is drives less people away than aggression and anger. also, the more concerned are more likely to approach me and ask whats wrong. but it seems that even melancholy has had the same effect. isolation can sometimes be more devastating than manifest rage.

there are always some things that you have to deal with yourself. i am the sort when i feel that i need help and advice, i will ask. so dont worry about me. there are other more important things that you all should attend to than a sulky boy. anyway, i will try to cheer up. i will try not to let things bother me too much. just give me some time okay?

so until then, i pray that God does not give me anymore trouble. cos i am troubled enough.
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