i have been sitting on this same bench since 10 in the morning. and have taken 6 hours to do a power point presentation. its quite funny, cos i told my project group mate that i will get in done in 1 hour. but i got quite caught up in the details... like is this aligned? are these colourful enough? haha!!! it was fun creating something from scratch, something that's yours and yours alone.
now i am done. and bloggin. later i need to start memorising my 3 minute talk on the wonderful sperm magnet. how attractive.
***
training was tough yesterday. and its getting tougher everytime i go. i am running slower and slower. being right at the end is quite hard. no one to run with you. no one to encourage you. thats when i realise that (not for the first time though) that sometimes you have to go it alone. all by yourself. with no one but yourself. it is definitely hard, and many a times you really just want to slow down, take your time, or just stop entirely. but i just know i have to keep going. no matter what, just keep going. i will reach the end point, last, but definitely stronger.
sometimes i think i am independent to the point of exclusion. and sometimes i am proud to the point of arrogance. i belittle others and think myself strong. but most of the time, i am proven wrong. i aint invincible, i aint superman.
sometimes i am just totally weak and compliant. sometimes i just want to be left alone. sometimes i just want someone to share the silence with me. thats when i realise that no one aint going to know if i keep to myself. no one is going to care with my repulsive go-away attitude. and that's when i try to talk, only to have everyone already turned away from me.
i make my own bed, i dig my own grave, i sow my own seeds. i dont blame anyone for what has happened. i only have myself to blame. i know what is going on. i aint stupid, i aint immature, i aint blind. i am just silent.
anyway, we did weights training at the old gym. was teamed up with keagan and dr mel. never really had the chance, or rather, i never took the chance to interact with them. just got to know them a little better, trivial the details may be. like keagan likes transformers too. he's the only other guy i know who watched the japanese series. the victory series aka head masters and powermasters. and dr mel is busy as ever, and has an injured shoulder. oh, and he is another one who goes about complaining about how fat he is when he has a body that we should all work towards having. sure, go ahead and insult at least half the team.
other than that, i was a good workout. never had such muscle ache for that long.
***
well, i will be seeing some more familiar faces in PGP now. Two db gals, Juliana and Wenya, have moved in -- surprise, surprise -- to the same block i live in. oh course, its not like we live next door to each other, but it is always nice to say a fortuitous hi once a while in a residence that is almost like a foreign country.
din know they moved in until i met wenya at pgp. and to think i was going to offer them a hand to help them move in. ah well. hope they have a nice stay. for me, my pgp room is really just a place to sleep in. its serves its purpose so well, that just by stepping in, you are engulfed in a soporific humidity. the room inside is a sauna compared to the outside. usually after bathing, i begin sweating again when i enter my room. how ironic. but so far the plan is working fine. the moment i wake up, i am glad i have a decent enough level of discipline to get out of bed to come to school. it is maddening studying in that room. there was this one time, i decided to read (a foolish attempt to convince myself that there was no need to travel to school) and before 30 minutes was up, i was in dreamland. i jolted myself out of bed and sit on the floor and read, but i ended up crawling back into the embrace of my blanket and pillow. then finally, i got so frustrated in my sleep, that i got up, grabbed my bag and literally ran out of the room to school, fuming and angry with myself for sleeping away the morning.
last night, i met the two of them again at the laundry. think i scared them with my own frustrating experience with the laundry machine. haha!!! well, it was a scarring experience for me. basically i spent 2 dollars on my first load of laundry. GM told me 40 cents was enough. but ah well, lets just say that it was not enough for me. so i kept feeding the coin machine more and more 20 cent coins to just complete my half washed or half dried clothes. ah well. sorry girls. still, you will have to go and experience it first hand yourself.
***
okay, back to my sperm magnet.
now i am done. and bloggin. later i need to start memorising my 3 minute talk on the wonderful sperm magnet. how attractive.
***
training was tough yesterday. and its getting tougher everytime i go. i am running slower and slower. being right at the end is quite hard. no one to run with you. no one to encourage you. thats when i realise that (not for the first time though) that sometimes you have to go it alone. all by yourself. with no one but yourself. it is definitely hard, and many a times you really just want to slow down, take your time, or just stop entirely. but i just know i have to keep going. no matter what, just keep going. i will reach the end point, last, but definitely stronger.
sometimes i think i am independent to the point of exclusion. and sometimes i am proud to the point of arrogance. i belittle others and think myself strong. but most of the time, i am proven wrong. i aint invincible, i aint superman.
sometimes i am just totally weak and compliant. sometimes i just want to be left alone. sometimes i just want someone to share the silence with me. thats when i realise that no one aint going to know if i keep to myself. no one is going to care with my repulsive go-away attitude. and that's when i try to talk, only to have everyone already turned away from me.
i make my own bed, i dig my own grave, i sow my own seeds. i dont blame anyone for what has happened. i only have myself to blame. i know what is going on. i aint stupid, i aint immature, i aint blind. i am just silent.
anyway, we did weights training at the old gym. was teamed up with keagan and dr mel. never really had the chance, or rather, i never took the chance to interact with them. just got to know them a little better, trivial the details may be. like keagan likes transformers too. he's the only other guy i know who watched the japanese series. the victory series aka head masters and powermasters. and dr mel is busy as ever, and has an injured shoulder. oh, and he is another one who goes about complaining about how fat he is when he has a body that we should all work towards having. sure, go ahead and insult at least half the team.
other than that, i was a good workout. never had such muscle ache for that long.
***
well, i will be seeing some more familiar faces in PGP now. Two db gals, Juliana and Wenya, have moved in -- surprise, surprise -- to the same block i live in. oh course, its not like we live next door to each other, but it is always nice to say a fortuitous hi once a while in a residence that is almost like a foreign country.
din know they moved in until i met wenya at pgp. and to think i was going to offer them a hand to help them move in. ah well. hope they have a nice stay. for me, my pgp room is really just a place to sleep in. its serves its purpose so well, that just by stepping in, you are engulfed in a soporific humidity. the room inside is a sauna compared to the outside. usually after bathing, i begin sweating again when i enter my room. how ironic. but so far the plan is working fine. the moment i wake up, i am glad i have a decent enough level of discipline to get out of bed to come to school. it is maddening studying in that room. there was this one time, i decided to read (a foolish attempt to convince myself that there was no need to travel to school) and before 30 minutes was up, i was in dreamland. i jolted myself out of bed and sit on the floor and read, but i ended up crawling back into the embrace of my blanket and pillow. then finally, i got so frustrated in my sleep, that i got up, grabbed my bag and literally ran out of the room to school, fuming and angry with myself for sleeping away the morning.
last night, i met the two of them again at the laundry. think i scared them with my own frustrating experience with the laundry machine. haha!!! well, it was a scarring experience for me. basically i spent 2 dollars on my first load of laundry. GM told me 40 cents was enough. but ah well, lets just say that it was not enough for me. so i kept feeding the coin machine more and more 20 cent coins to just complete my half washed or half dried clothes. ah well. sorry girls. still, you will have to go and experience it first hand yourself.
***
okay, back to my sperm magnet.