just had some visitors to my room. very interesting people. they were totally shocked at the state of my room. the mess its in of course. think its a good indication that its time to clean up my room.

jul and wenya were so nice to come down ask about me, cos i have been quite down lately. i am not very good at hiding emotions. well, they are after all girls, the more sensitive gender of the human species.

had a good chat. wenya was so kind to add the comments option in my blog, which i have been complaining about. she said she's a techno idiot..... sooo.. that makes me a techno retard. well thanks anyway. she fell down and grazed her knee while running during training today. so for those who know her, please send her lots of flowers and food! well, get well soon!!!

alex has been down lately too... had a good chat with him too. so buddy, i hope you have solved your problem, and i hope you lighten up and pass your mechanical engine test!!!

lately, everyone has been depressed. and most of us know the answer why. i just wish that the one person we are all worried for gets better soon. we miss his jokes, and infectious happiness, and irritating laughter. i guess, even the happiest person feels sad, and its usually his sort of people who feels the sadness most acutely. was talking to emmanuel on the beach. there was one thing that he said struck me most impressionably. that is, db is not a sport that you can see instant results or receive instant gratification. its a sport that you have to invest a lot of time, many many sems before you can see it bearing fruit. not all of us have the fitness of noel or teddy. so we all need more time. and we should give ourselves more time. yup! so i really do hope that we all can perservere together, and one day, we will all row together in one boat one day, and win!!! he said that he wants to brood alone. just have the urge to go over to his room and give him a big hug. if he lets me.

its kinda weird in a way, that i said such stuff. cos, i have just been dropped out of the ivp boat. the number of rowers have been cut from 20 to 18. and guess who got the axe? haha!!! me, duh. i was not that surprised really, when i heard it. but i wont deny i was disappointed. in the end, my training session lasted 15 minutes. spent most of the time on the beach, chatting, and listening to everyone talk about the common topics... it was a very interesting day i should say.
in a way, i am satisfied, and simultaneously sad. so, i think i am beginning to understand what someone told me before, that feeling of watching your friends row the boat, when all you can do is watch from the side.

its a feeling of exclusion that i feel. not that it is deliberate, but a natural consequences of your actions. but its a shocking reality, when you just hang out with your gang one day, and realise that your friends are speaking in a language you do not understand. when everyone around you is chatting and you do not have a clue. when people are talking over your head, or speaking through you like you were invisible. when friends are somewhere else fighting a battles that you not involved in. its a feeling that hits you suddenly. and unknowingly. and the worse part is the helplessness of realising, that there is nothing you can do about it. everyone gets that feeling sometimes. i am just feeling mine now.

sometimes i just wish i could run away, and hide away. you know, start afresh in a foreign land, when no one knows you, when everyone is a potential friend, when you can recreate a new world. but i cant. so i will just have to be contented and make the best with what i have.

maybe, i can create my world in my dreams.